The ATL

Hey y'all! Sorry, I've been fixin' to do some postin' for the past few days, but I caught myself a good ole fashioned flu. It was not pretty. And I am going to describe it in full detail. First, I started losing all..........................................well, I guess I'll spare you the details, but let's just say I spent more time in bed than John Holmes.....except I didn't get to have as much fun.

I rolled into the ATL (Dirty South! WHAT WHAT?!) on Thursday evening and met up with my friend Benton Marshall Smith III, his wife Meredith and their lovely kids Brooke (cute girl above in horrible cheerleading outfit) and Cole. Benton and I became friends in our tenure at Jamba Juice Company and while we really didn't work together that much, we developed a lot of skits, songs and videos for the multiple brand conferences that we hosted. Not only is Ben extremely hilarious and outgoing, but so is his wife Meredith. Together they form one of the funniest/most entertaining one-two punch in couple history.

That evening we enjoyed dinner at a local catfish place and Ben got me caught up on all of the wonderful happenings at his new employer, Fantastic Sam's (a hair salon business in the South and Midwest). I seriously don't need to write any jokes about this, because the fact that Ben works there is funny enough.

On Valentine's Day, I did a little work in the morning/afternoon (huh?!) and went for a run through the campus of Ben's alma mater, Emory. Ben always likes to talk about how it is one of the top 15 universities in the country and I always like to remind him that everyone outside of Atlanta thinks that Emory is the same thing as Devry (go Jayhawks!). For dinner, Ben cooked up some of his world famous JAMBAlaya (in tribute to our former employer?)..... here are the scores: Grub (4 out of 5); Beck (2 out of 5 - hey, it was their kitchen); Deluise (1 out of 5: very healthy!). Seeing as how it was Valentine's Day, I suggested that the two of them go out while I watch the kids. After laughing for about 15 minutes straight, they asked, 'oh, were you serious?'. Instead, Ben and I went and got some beers at a couple of his old college haunts (Moe's & Joe's, Neighbor's) and then ended up at a strip club....... yes........on Valentine's Day. Extremely romantic!

Those of you who know me know that strip clubs are not my thing. I have never really understood the allure of going to a room where there are a bunch of naked women with no ultimate conclusion. It's kind of like going to a Krispy Kreme, watching the delicious smelling rings of yeast come slowly down the conveyor belt, seeing the ooey gooey sugar get dribbled all over them and then saying, "Gosh, I really want a donut....but f*ck it, I've got a four month old ho-ho in the car". Plus, of course it is degrading to women.

BUT, my friend Ben is a big fan (of the 3 strip clubs that I have been to in my life, 2 of them have been with him) and I figured I would get all kinds of great stories for the bloggity blogs5! Yeah. Unfortunately, not so much. Of the 5-7 women who came out on stage, only 1 of them was really very attractive. Overall the clientele was pretty much as you would expect.... a mixture of truck drivers, thugsters, ministers and community activists. The club did have one thing going for it though - the stereotypical DJ saying things really fast like, "All right everybody put your hands together for Cannnnnndyyyy". And, we made it out of there with Ben only spending about $40.

The next day, I woke up feeling like donkey, but we pressed on to some of the touristy spots in Atlanta. First stop, the world's LARGEST aquarium! The highlight was when Ben tried to talk the parking attendant down from the clearly stated $10 price... you kind of had to be there, but it was classic BS. Here is a photo we snuck of the cheesy photo that the aquarium tries to make you buy for $20:


After that,we checked out the World of Coke museum! I may or may not have gotten scared at the '4-D' movie.....
We had lunch at an institution, the Varsity.....chili cheese dogs, hamburgers, onion rings. Apparently this one location does over $17 Million per year! Selling $1.25 hamburgers?! The scores: Grub (3.5 out of 5: solidly good); Beck (5 out of 5: multiple rooms with lots of character, is a mixture of businessmen, blue collar, school kids, all walks of life); Deluise (5 out of 5: when is chili cheese EVER a good idea?).


That evening, I shaved down to the stash so that Meredith could officially be seen around town with the "Great Moustachio Brothers (tm)". We dined at a very nice Italian place called Ecco and quickly made a friend:


Saturday I woke up at 3:30pm (after sleeping for 15 hours straight) and somehow conjured up enough energy to drive to South Carolina with a fever of like 104. Thank God. I would have hated to burden my friends with the flu miserableness that I encountered the next 3 days. Lucky for my Aunt Pam and Uncle Ed, I got to burden them instead!

South Carolina adventures (while limited due to illness) to be updated soon.......

Oh, one last thing guys. You have got to check out the best song that I have heard in the South. It's by a guy named Steve Holy and he's got himself a "Brand New Girlfriend". Click on the link. Do it. Do it. Ok, now that you've heard this...... remember how I said that New Country was the fourth worth genre of music? Now you know HOW BAD REGGAETON IS!