The Madness that is March

So, apparently, there was this basketball tournament that began a couple of days ago. I stumbled upon it as I was settling in to my daily ritual of The Price is Right and The Young & Restless.

Actually, the first two days of the NCAA Tournament are always two of my favorite days of the year, trailing only Flag Day (June 14th) and Employee Legal Awareness Day (Feb 13th). I usually spend very little time actually doing any work and most of my time behind 'closed doors' taking 'important phone calls' where I never actually 'say anything' and 'yell randomly at my computer screen' all the while 'scratching my crotch'. You know the drill. It is March Madness, an American tradition of unproductiveness (yes I know this is not a word, but who made you Bin Laden).

This year, without a job, it was like being a crackhead in a........store that........ sells only crack, I guess. I think I watched like 15 different games - 4 shy of my personal record and enough to make my eyes bleed at the end of today.

And, hey, how about that action the past couple o' days? WOW. This is one of those tournaments where a gay dude who was the youngest doctor ever and knows nothing about basketball is likely leading your bracket. Glad I paid attention to all of those meaningless regular season games and the so-called expert advice as it was ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS as normal. Summary of my favorite games/stats:

- Stanford 1567, Cornell 1526 in an unbelievably nerdy showdown of SAT scores. Apparently there was also a basketball game played.

- UNC 113, Mount St. Mary's 74- I knew some guys who went to Mount St. Mary's High School and I'm not really sure that the selection committee should let high schools play in the tournament. It just doesn't seem fair.....unless one of your players is Teen Wolf.

- UT stops Austin Peay - Ironic/funny as UT is located in Austin and Peay is pronounced Pee. It reminds me of the headlines in my hometown newspaper when my high school, the Topeka High Trojans, would play the Seaman Vikings. Examples: Trojans overcome by Seaman. Seaman penetrates Trojan Defense. Trojans Block Seaman, Seaman cums all over Trojans face, etc. For the record, if Austin Peay and Oral Roberts ever make the tournament again in the same year, the selection committee would be STUPID not to set that up as a first round matchup.

- Pac 10 teams: 3-3 in the first round. The 3 teams that won will likely be gone by the second round (ok, UCLA might make it one more round). But seriously, how much is enough? I think it is time for the Pac 10 to shut down basketball operations and focus solely on football.

More action tomorrow. A big battle between former K-State coach/all around great guy Lon Kruger's UNLV Running Rebels and the top ranked Kansas Jayhawks. After upsets plagued the rest of the Midwest bracket I see an easy road to the Elite Eight for the Jayhawks..... which means they will probably find a way to completely blow it tomorrow. Prediciton: UNLV 134, KU 62.

Ok, so enough of the basketball already. I told you I was not going to turn this into a political blog, but hey, how about that Gerald Ford, huh? God he is such a jerk! Just kidding - your moment of zen is this article from the Onion on Obama. Classico.

You, Me and Bloggitybloasifasdfljk....

Ok, so I have clearly been slacking.......the bloggity blogs5 has become quite stale. I mean, how many times can you read the Irony Maiden post before you get tired of it? (answer: 4.3). Need......more.......content........

As many of you know, I have been living the tranquil, suburban life in the hills of East Bay city, El Cerrito (see above). Yes, temporarily, I have become B&T*. Here are a few quick facts:

1) El C is where bands Metallica and Creedence Clearwater Revival got their start. Rock.

2) Former KU basketball great and current Chicago Bull Drew Gooden went to El C High

3) The hills here are ridiculously steep....especially when you don't have a car

4) Everyone waves at you (or says hello) in the neighborhood - it's really creepy

5) The assembly woman for El C is named Loni Hancock. I thought that was relevant for some reason. Maybe it is because her last name is Hancock. And I have the humor of a 2nd grader.

My friends Nathan and Sarah graciously agreed to let me stay in their house for the past two weeks and have said that I can stay until I find a job.** Did you ever see that movie, "You, Me & Dupree". Yeah, well, I am pretty much Dupree.........although I have yet to have sex with a mormon librarian and/or use butter in any way other than as cover for my toast.

With the exception of trying to find a job (which is kind of sucky), life is golden. The El C house is 2 blocks away from Wildcat Canyon, which has great biking/hiking trails and views like this:

AND, there are only a 20 minute walk from BART! Oh wait, that part sucks. BUT, it has not limited me from getting out there a bit. Standout moments from the previous week:

- Two Beer Wednesday resurrected! A few of the old Jamba colleagues came out for the time honored tradition at Emervyille standby, Bar Kitty's. It was a gay old time. Check out this handsome group!!! Remember folks in the Bay Area, 2BW is EVERY Wednesday. Get out and show your support!





- The weekend saw me a) helping a friend's sister's father's cousin's half brother's uncle's farmer's daughter move out of her apartment (long story) b) eating half my weight in beef and pork products at my friend Sleepy Shawn's BBQ and c) spending my Sunday glued to the TV set watching Kansas put the smack down on Texas.......which propelled the Hawks to a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament. As Dickie V would say, AWESOME BABY!

- If you are ever in Piedmont, you should really ask yourself, what the hell am I doing here and what is the quickest way to San Francisco?!?!? Actually, it is a pretty cool little enclave in the East Bay and when you are there and hungry, you HAVE to try out LoCoCo Restaurant. Seriously, some of the best Italian in the Bay Area - this place makes a mean tortellini and the pizza is top notch. Tell 'em Ingrid sent you.***

- Went to a photography exhibit tonight at the W where my friend Arlene (stage name Elizabeth) actually was a finalist in an event sponsored by 944 magazine. It was the kind of event where you see the people that are in the society pages. Arlene won an award and will get to show her work at Jack Fischer gallery. Big time awesomeness. Check out her work here. You.....go.....girl.....

So, that's pretty much life, in a nutshell, when you're not working. It doesn't suck. March Madness officially kicks off tomorrow and I can spend hours watching meaningless basketball games. Ahhhhhhh.

Per the Daily Show, here is the bloggity blogs5's moment of zen:
Kansas Woman Sits On Boyfriend's Toilet for 2 Years

* For those not 'in the know' this is a nickname for someone who can only get into the city (ie civiilization) via a bridge and/or a tunnel

** Which, at this rate, should be sometime in early 2010

*** This will get you nothing but strange looks, but do it anyway. And then punch the waiter in the groin, just for good measure.

Irony Maiden

If you have ever been to Disneyland, you have probably made the mistake of getting on the "It's a small world" ride. If you're like me, you then most likely had the song, "It's a small world, afterall" stuck in your head for the next 14 years. BUT, as much as I hated the ride (and the following 14 years of torment in my head), the message is on point - it is INDEED a very small world.

On Sunday, I went to play tennis with a girl I dated last year. We'll call her "Tina"*. Things ended on good terms and we figured out that we are better friends than whatever it was that we were. So, anyway, before we started playing, Tina told me she had started dating this new guy. Interesting, but not where the story gets interesting.

So, she told me about the guy and it was pretty standard stuff, grew up in Hawaii, went to like an ivy league school or something, walks on water, etc. Again, story still not interesting.

After tennis, Tina and I grabbed lunch and she got a text from her new guy. She was originally going to get something to take home to him, but instead he decided to join us for lunch. Finally.... we are getting somewhere in this story.......

So new guy, "Walter" shows up and we chat for a few minutes. Seems like a nice guy. I start telling some stupid story about something that happened over the holidays and mention that I'm from Kansas. THIS is where the story gets interesting. The conversation verbatim:

Walter: "Hey, wait a minute, where did you grow up in Kansas"

MCA: "In the capital city, Topeka"

Walter: "Oh, really, I lived there for a year when I was pretty young"

MCA: "How old are you again?"

Walter: "I'm 30. [Pause] Yeah, we lived on Pembroke Lane**"

MCA: "Wait a minute, WHAT? Are you f*cking serious? I lived on Pembroke Lane too. What's your last name?"

Walter: "Roth"

MCA: "Oh my god. You're not going to believe this. We grew up in the same house - my parents bought the house from your parents"

NO WAY! What are the ODDS? Unbelievable. I can't say I remember him, I just remembered a bunch of kids running around the house when we visited. I also remembered his sister because I thought she was hot at the time (I think I was 8 when we moved in). Tina clearly has a thing for dudes that lived at 1940 Pembroke Lane (see below). Geez Tina, branch out a little, would you?

Funniest part of the story is when I called my mom to tell her what had happened. I filled her in on all of the details, including one detail that I had found out after we left the restaurant - that Walter's mom is a clown. My mom busted out the comment "she is STILL a clown? wow, I can't believe it". Guess Walter's mom has been doing kids birthday parties for quite awhile.

And the CRAZIEST part of the story is that his dad is David Lee Roth, head of Van Halen! Ok, now I am just making crap up. You really had to be there to truly enjoy the stupidness, but I thought it was bloggity blogs5 worthy. Stay Sexy San Diego.

* For the record, her real name is Tina........ although if I was going to make up a name, Tina would be a good one. Famous Tinas: Turner, Yothers, Fey, a disproportionate number of porn stars, etc.

** Readers Note: this is an 8 block street in Topeka - a town of nearly 200,000 people. SO, unlike what most of you are thinking (there are only 2 roads in Topeka), it actually is a decent sized town....even if it is a dump.

This is the kind of stuff you come across when you don't have a job

So, I have to share a few hilarious things I have found on the interweb through friends over the past few weeks.

First off, if you have never seen the Sarah Silverman Show on Comedy Central, watch it....she is hilarious. She happens to be dating Jimmy Kimmel who hosts a late night show on ABC. This was a clip from one of his shows a few weeks ago. Classically funny - I'm f*cking Matt Damon.

Not to be outdone, Kimmel responds back with a little love of his own....with the help of some big names in Hollywood. I'm f*cking Ben Affleck.

Wow.

Also got this link to a blog called, Stuff White People Like today and realized, DAMN. I am as white as they get. Happy Wednesdays Crackers and Non-Crackers

This is the end, beautiful friend

I have noticed that it is impossible to get a "case of the Mondays" when you are not working. In fact, I look forward to Mondays.....and Tuesdays......and............and....... oh, how I am going to miss these times when I have to go back to work...........






On Monday evening, I rolled into Charlottesville, Virginia - the home of the University of Virginia. For the first time on my trip, I got to experience what college life is REALLY all about. Like every other school I walked around campus, saw the bell tower, etc.... but Charlottesville was special because I got to stay in the dorms!

When was the last time you were in the dorms? For me it had been awhile, not counting my dreams, where I find myself back in the dorms quite often - psychoanalysis anyone? I stayed with my friend Miriam (you may remember her from her starring role in Argentina blog entries). Miriam is essentially living for free - she only has to watch over a couple of students in exchange for free rent. Not a bad gig...... except for the "having to live with a bunch of kids in the dorms" part. Ah, it wasn't that bad.......

That night, we met up for dinner with friends made in Argentina, Gloria and Marcel. It was AWESOME to catch up with everyone and for once I did not have to feel guilty about not being able to speak Spanish! We had our reunion dinner at this Asian (I think it was billed as Thai?) place that served pizza, nachos, and I think hot dogs. Ok, maybe not hot dogs, but it was definitely an interesting form of Asian fusion. Here are the scores: Grub (4 out of 5 : believe it or not, their combos worked... best was the tuna tartare pizza); Beck (4 out of 5: cool spot, red lighting); Deluise (3 out of 5: nowhere near the BBQ, but not the healthiest Asian food I have ever eaten).

The next day while Miriam was teaching class, I either (choose your own adventure):

a) conned my way into the UVA student exercise facility and played basketball, ran, lifted weights OR

b) hung out with the other residents in the dorm, playing Xbox and poker while polishing off a case of beer and talking about the hot girls on the floor OR

c) robbed a liquor store, shot up some smack and beat up a bunch of tobacco plantation owners

Tuesday evening, Miriam cooked us all a delicious pasta meal at Gloria's groovy retro pad. Much to my chagrin, I had to say adios to the lovely Miriam on Wednesday and start the long painful drive back to Kansas. Here was a quick summary of my trip:

- West Virginia: much prettier than I thought it would be. I can also happily report that I had no 'Deliverance/Ned Beatty' incidents. Standout billboard seen: Picture of a dude in a hard hat with the saying "Coal, it's what for dinner" (or something like that... like Coal, heats our homes or something). Had a late lunch at a West Virginia staple, 'Tudor's Biscuit World'. The bacon I had in my biscuit was crisp, delicious and I'm pretty sure it was fat free.

- Kentucky: been here before and don't need to go back anytime soon. No mint juleps consumed.

- Ohio: Ate dinner in Cincinnati at Zip's Cafe, supposedly the 'best burger place in town' and one of the best 'cheap eats'. I say, 'mediocre burger' and 'might as well just eat at Wendys'. Overall, Cincinnati looked like a pretty cool town - kind of like a poor man's Chicago.

- Indiana: Stayed the night at the dumpiest Ramada Inn hotel in the tri-state area. Had breakfast at a chain called Bob Evans, where the baked goods and sausage were stupid good. Indiana overall reminded me of Kansas - flat, barren, farms, everything revolves around basketball, etc.

- Southern Illinois/Missouruh: Drove as fast as I could through these dumpy states.

And after 18 hours of driving in two days, I was back where I started.....in good ole Topeka, Kansas. Final trip stats:

- New states visited: 8 (this means I have now seen 45 of the 50 states with only Alaska, Maine, Montana, Idaho, Louisiana left!)

- Number of miles driven: 3,295 (total spent on gas $318)

- Best barbeque consumed: Memphis

- Least favorite state: Mississippi

- Total pounds gained: 5ish (would have been higher if I didn't get the flu)

- Total basketball games watched: 5

My last couple of days in Kansas were spent catching up with family and catching up on some zs. Oh, and of course I had to see ONE MORE basketball game! Saturday night, I hit up the nationally televised/hyped interstate battle between the K-State Wildcats and KU Jayhawks at MY favorite place to see a basketball game, Allen Fieldhouse. The place was electric and LOUD and revenge was definitely on the Jayhawk fans' minds as our rivals had beaten us for the first time in 23 years on their home floor a month ago. The Jayhawks did not disappoint and played one of their best games of the year, winning 88-74, despite 39 points by the Wildcats' player of the year candidate, Michael Beasley. I was extremely lucky to get into the game and I made sure that I yelled enough that I would be hoarse for the next 2 days. Post-game festivities were held at an old college haunt, Louise's Downtown with my buds Ashley and Marc. Too much fun.

Sunday, I flew into Oakland and was instantly reminded why I live in the Bay Area. 65 degrees and sunny. And then this crazy guy started chirping like a bird and looked at me like I had stolen his child or something. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, home.

Good news blog fans, until I get a job, the bloggity blogs5......must......go.....on...... more to follow soon. Word.