Bloggity Blogs 5 Sets New Record of Futility

Exactly 3 months since my last bloggity blog post. 90 days. 2,160 hours 129,600 minutes. Like eleventy billion seconds or something. Definitely puts me in the running for this year's Laziest Blogger Awards. The really weird thing is that during that timeframe my site got bombarded with traffic - WTF?! Apparently Mr. Google must have dropped by for a visit, because traffic went up like 1000% for about 5 weeks. Or maybe a link made it on to a porn site or something?

Whatever the case, the last 3 months have been a whirlwind. Lots of tom foolery, including a quick trip to LA to see the artist formerly known as Brianna, an awesome performance by the Fleet Foxes a few nights ago and......................there was one more thing that I can't remember.................oh yeah, I went to Japan. More to come on Japan in a separate entry (likely 6 months from now).

I'm currently baking in my apartment on one of those rare nights in San Francisco when you don't have to wear a coat to bed, reflecting on a brilliant weekend. Highlights:

- Hanging with Bradshaw, Sleeps, Special Agent Dial and some smelly hippy in the Mission

- Destroying the Alpine Dam & the Seven Sisters with Nicky on our bikes. Then heading to to a beach party at Stinson with new friends.

- Singing Black Flag's TV Party with a karaoke band, The Amazing Embarrassonics, backing me at Annie's Social Club. Dude, I look so punk!!!! Especially with that book in my hand.

- Basking in the glorious 80 degree weather today - running, riding past the GGB (see below), watching a couple innings of the Giants game (in which Randy Johnson almost pitched a no-hitter). As the honorable O'Shea Jackson once quipped, "I gotta say it was a good day".

And with that, I bid you adieu. But not before giving my 3 (I couldn't come up with 5) favorite movies of 2008, although this exercise seems a little dated now. Not in order: Milk, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Slumdog Millionaire. Kind of a crap year for movies if you ask me - or maybe I need some suggestions. Tally ho.

WB2B Gets Slap on Hand from Bay News 9, Film at 11

You've seen the videos. You KNOW that the WB2B news crew is the BEST news crew in the Bay Area. You KNOW that when I say Bay Area, I refer to the only "Bay Area" that anyone cares about...... the SAN FRANCISCO Bay Area. So, why is it that those jerks at Tampa Bay's Bay News 9 felt the need to have one of the WB2B crew's award winning videos taken off of Youtube?! Last month, we got this note from Youtube:

WOW! Feeling threatened, Bay News 9??????? I mean, sure you've got hot anchorwoman Jen Holloway, but LET'S FACE IT: Al Ruechel is NO Brock Mansion. And Rick Elmhorst isn't half the man that Frank Salazar is..... bb5 fans, it's time that we boycott watching of Bay News 9 - they had absolutely no reason to take down this video (we can't even remember what clip it was). Unfortunately, I think there is only one guy I know that actually reads this blog, but hey, World War II started because of one guy. Bay 9 News is a station full of jerks.

In other news, ALL 55 videos are now posted at http://www.youtube.com/user/wb2b. Also, WB2B got its first subscriber this past week, which must be a mistake or something. Happy watching.

The Year That Wuz.....Sports

Oh, was 2008 a banner year for the guys that make millions (and college athletes as well). Tons of highlights, lowlights & steroid accusations. The top 10 sure has a lot of crimson and blue in it this year....here we go....

10) Tarah Gieger totally shreddin' the competition in the 2008 XGames Womens' Motocross Riding finals. I mean, dude, it's about time they let the LADIES get on a bike and get some SERIOUS air!!! Wait a minute, WTF?!?!!?!?!?!?

9) Ok, kind of pathetic to throw a personal victory in here...but I had a hard time coming up with 10 events that weren't all KU Basketball related. This year's victory at the 5th Annual Fresno Post-Thanksgiving Turkey Tournament was definitely not as special or miraculous as the 2007 title shared with the Nate Dog Daddy, but sweet due to the hostile environment.

8) Something about the Olympics. Michael Phelps or something. Man, I just don't care about the stupid Olympics. I know I should, but I could care less. BORING.

7) Celtics over the Lakers in the NBA finals, 1985 flashback style. Celtics are back and Paul Pierce has his ring.

6) This. Definitely worth mulitple views. Ouch. Ouch.

5) Nadal/Federer, Wimbledon. That's right, tennis. Ridiculous, rain-delayed marathon match that made you actually care about this sport again. And for once Federer didn't win.

4) Kansas Jayhawks basketball team beats Stephon Curry and the Davidson Wildcats to advance to their first Final Four in 5 years. "Thanks Jason Richards, for missing that 25 footer at the end of the game that would have put me on the hot seat. Instead I just signed a multi-year contract for millions of dollars". Love, Bill Self.

3) KU Jayhawks winning the Orange Bowl and finishing #7 in the final polls. KU Football? KU Football! This meaningless sport came to the forefront in 2007/2008 as the team stepped up and played as huge as our coach. In case, you aren't from Kansas - it is true. Our coach CAN eat your coach.

2) Kansas Jayhawks beats UNC (and old coach Roy Williams) in the Final Four to advance to the National Championship. Up 40-12 in the first half, I was pretty sure that I was not awake and it was all a sick, sick dream. Love you Roy, mean it.

1) Kansas Jayhawks win the National Championship in OT after Mario Chalmers hits a dramatic 3 pointer to keep it alive in regulation. Enough has been written about this already, but 10 months later it still doesn't seem REAL! Screw Obama, I still say Mario for President!

Up next.... The Year That Wuz....Movies.

The Year That Wuz.....Music

Ah, the end of the year…..time for indulgent eating, reflection, family and corresponding schadenfruede. Also, for stupid lists of why the year didn't suck. The bb5 staff has chronicled the year’s best and worst in a feature we like to call “The Year That Wuz” and have started with our third favorite topic, music.

One thing I always hate about ‘best of’ lists is whatever is done/released/issued near the end of the year tends to be, much like the Dallas Cowboys, ‘overrated’. I have tried, through heavy drinking and barbiturates, to forget the past couple of months in an effort to avoid this phenomenon. Also, I have not spent a fair amount of time listening to some albums that should probably be on this list (Santogold, Beck, etc). Here we go.....

BB5’s Top 5 Albums of 2008
1) Cut Copy – In Ghost Colours. The 80s are back! And in full effect! Extremely fun, makes you want to shake your maker with money in it.
2) Fleet Foxes – Fleet Foxes. Great harmonies, makes you want to move to the Northwest, grow a beard and start chopping wood. This year’s Midlake.
3) The Teenagers – Reality Check. They’re French, they eat baguettes, they like Jerry Lewis and the ‘C’ word is in the chorus of their first single. It’s about time…..
4) MGMT – Oracular Spectacular. Some people will shutter, but this other flash back to the Reagan years was just too catchy to not say ‘howdy’ to…over and over and over….
5) Lykke Li – Youth Novels. You either love or hate Lykke Li’s voice, but everyone agrees that she is pretty hot.

BB5’s Top 10 Songs of 2008
1) Portishead – The Rip. Not a huge fan of Portishead, but this song is epic. EPIC. Best song of the year.

2) The Definite Articles – Sea Things. SF band that put out an impressive EP called Boy Wonder. Watch for a major label release in 2009 – this is the year the DefArts will explode.
3) Cut Copy – Feel the Love. Classic, catchy pop hit.
4) David Byrne & Brian Eno – Strange Overtones. First project together in 20 years – love this song for quirky lyrics and catchy hooks.
5) Alphabeat – Fascination. Danish, delightful and delicious. Velocity Girl meets Rick Astley meets Sesame Street. Velveeta City.

6) Karl Blau – Make Love That Lasts. Sounds like it was recorded in 1965. Great message.
7) The Dutchess and The Duke – Reservoir Park. I think I love the name of the album more than anything else: She's the Dutchess, He's the Duke. Just say it outloud. It's fun.
8) The Teenagers - Homecoming. Tried not to populate the best of song list with selections from the top albums, but as mentioned above....this song was ground breaking. Listener Caution Advised.

9) Hercules and Love Affair - Blind. Saw them in concert, although without Antony (of Antony & the Johnsons), this song sounded a little, um, different. And my shirt got ruined thanks to poor painting. Come to think of it, I hate this song.
10) Tie: Blind Pilot – The Story I Heard; Plants and Animals - Feedback In the Field. Couldn't pick just 10 - frankly there are about 15 others that could make the list.

Congrats to all winners, your commemorative bloggity blogs 5 wife beater is in the mail. Up next.... The Year That Wuz.....Du Sport.

America in Recession

Earlier this week, economic analysts stated that the country has officially been in a recession since December 2007. While most people are TOTALLY IGNORNING the true source of the economic turmoil, I think all BB5 readers would agree that the primary cause is EXTREMELY OBVIOUS...............................two words: global warming. I can't wait for the next ice age because then my stocks will go back up.

In other news, the clips from the 2008 Bay to Breakers news footage are rolling in at a feverish pace now. Apparently 55 total clips were salvaged from the 3+ hours of footage we took at the 2008 Bay to Breakers. Muchas gracias to our Director/Cameraman/Editor, Brianna "James" Taylor, for putting these clips together (albeit 185 days after the event actually took place). I am not going to subject the bb5 fans to all of the clips, but you have to check out these three:

Exclusive interview with naked guy who has to pee:


Time honored tradition: The Chieftain. "Wa nah nah wuh!"


Canadians: A-holes and speechless


For all of the other clips, head to Youtube here. Happy watching folks.

College Basketball Season is Underway......

............and it's likely going to be a long season for my rebuilding alma mater. BUT, until April 6, 2009, the Kansas Jayhawks are still NATIONAL CHAMPIONS. Word.

More Award Winning Footage of the WB2B Crew

It is possible that we will have ALL of the footage from the 2008 Bay to Breakers posted to the BB5 before the next Bay to Breakers. It's a Christmas miracle!!! Stay golden and enjoy.*










* Did anyone else notice that this was the shortest post ever on the BB5? There's a new Editor in town and he's got site traffic on his mind! Apparently the kids these days want shorter posts and more sex. Stay tuned for the Paris Hilton sex video and illicit shots of the new cast of 90210.

The face of a child can say it all, especially the mouth part of the face.

The Bloggity Blogs 5's celebrated its favorite holiday this past Friday at the BB5 Headquarters, the luxurious 19th floor at the Avalon Towers. From the same company that produced, "A Nightmare on Mission Street", "The Simpson's Tree House of Whores" and "Pee Wee's HellHouse", came an absolutely mind boggling new concept: "Deep Thoughts"......A Saturday Night Live Halloween Extravaganza. Genius, I tell you.

Enough of the idle chitchat, let's get on to the real poop you've come to the blog to sink your teeth into...... I present to you, the winners of the annual SMJLN Halloween tomfoolery awards:

Best Individual Costume: Land Shark (Jay C). Wow, the Siz came through. Jay normally relies on his costumeress, Lindy, to slave away for weeks to produce him an amazing costume, but this time, he was on his own. Miraculously, he STEPPED UP with his Land Shark costume, not only exceeding his better half, but blowing away the competition. Amazing precision and attention to detail that would've made even the head costume prop guy at SNL proud.

Best Team Costume: The Ambiguously Gay Duo (Aaron & Shawn). If I didn't know these guys were straight, I would swear that they were gay. Actually, this has made me question everything. Their costumes (and photo poses) were just way TOO convincing. And the detail was amazing. Especially the gay acting part.

Best Tina Fey Costume: Sarah Palin (Nerina) Ok, we all knew that SOMEONE was going to dress as Palin, but few could pull it off like the Bean. H-O-T-T!

Best Enactment of Costume - Unfrozen Caveman Lawyer (Kevin) hitting his head on the ledge and having to go to the Emergency Room (this actually happened). Totally prehistoric! Kevikev, how are those 3 stitches settling in?!Most Repeated Costume (3): Mary Katherine Gallagher (Miriam, Laura, Isabel). You're all Superstars. Tied for second: Linda Richman and Mr. Bill (2).

Scariest Costume: Mr. Bill (MCA). I normally wouldn't give myself an award and this is certainly not one to be proud of.....I went against my 'never wear facepaint award' and it backfired. I looked like a clown on crack (or at least in need of some).Best Costume Devotion Ever: Tony Soria (Jeff). Ok, Tony is not technically a SNL character, but anyone who shaves the top of their head bald deserves the highest acheivement and respect from me. Good show, Jeff, good show. Jeff and his wife also pulled off an excellent Ed Grimley/devil combo (complete with photo of Pat Sajak).

There were several other fantastic SNL costumes, from Matt Foley (the man from the van DOWN BY THE RIVER to Jeopardy's Sean Connery to Toonces the Driving Cat to Linda Richman to the Coneheads to the Gap Girl and the obligatory Dick-in-the-Box. Pure classicisma. See more of the ridiculousness here.

A few of the standout "Deep Thoughts" from the evening:

- I often wonder what the high point of my life is going to be and then I think about the time I shaved my head like a balding, middle-aged man for a stupid Halloween potluck at work and I start to realize that my life may never have a high point. JP

- If a tree falls in the woods and no one is around to hear it…..does Michael Andrews still suck? SA

- Sometimes you want to write something really funny and then you pick up the pen, start writing and you’re like, “man, this quote really sucks.” And then you stab someone.

Stay tuned for video (we recorded some skits in a makeshift Studio 8H). Also, stay tuned for a Veterans Day Blowout - I have a few cases of beer to get rid of!!!!!

FINALLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

After months of patiently waiting for edited footage, the clips are starting to come in! Bay to Breakers 2008 coverage by award winning WB2B newscasters Brock Mansion and Frank Salazar. Complete with cheesy (maybe a little TOO cheesy)theme music and lots of in-depth reporting. Check back for more updates soon. Word.

Intro:


Part II:


Part III:


Part IV:


Part V:

The Douchebag Chronicles

Rarely am I as inspired to write a bb5 post as tonight........

Last Friday, I had dinner with my friends Sasha and Sarah at the delicious R&G Lounge in Chinatown. Not only was it the first meal I've had in Chinatown that didn't require a followup trip to the emergency room, it was also a night where I became a little bit more familiar with a term I thought I knew well. I think the conversation went something like this:

Me: "The new guy at that company I used to work for is such a douchebag. You know what? No, he is worse than a douchebag, because I love that word and I could never love him. [bite of Kangpao Chicken] Hey, do you ladies even know what a douchebag is?"

Sasha: "Well, actually, no."
Me: "Isn't it like a plastic cylinder with a small tube"
Sarah: "I can't even remember what it looks like - I haven't used one for years......."

.........ok, so Sarah didn't actually say this.... I can't remember what actually transpired in the convo, but essentially the three of us had no idea what a douchebag looked like.* This is pretty amazing (and inexcusable) on my part, as I have used this word at least 100 times this week alone.

I mean, it makes a great noun: Dude, you need to stay away from that 19 year old girl and quit being a douchebag.

And an even better adverb: Your brother tried to beat me up yesterday. How douchebagly of him.

But the best thing about the word is that it has TONS of potential extensions: douchebaggish, doucheBaghdad, douchebagasaurus Rex, etc.

So anyway, I decided to whip out the IPhone (yes, by doing this at dinner I was displaying some major douchebaggery) and did an image search ............... oh. .................... my .................... God.................... THIS is a douchebag.


Who woulda thunk? It's so large! It's so elaborate! Hey wait a minute, when I had a fever as a young boy, I think my mom used to put a douchebag filled with ice on my head. Eww....MOM!

In my search for a douchebag, I also came across this website where you can vote on random guy's douchebaggedness. Hours of fun. Hope you are as enlightened as I was. Wow.

* This is the point where you keep your Dustin Diamond jokes to yourself......

There are only 55 shopping days left until......Halloween

The passing of Labor Day means all of the retailers can take their 'My boss can suck it' plates and 'I ain't workin' THIS Monday, b*tch' t-shirts off of the shelves and replace them with orange & black decorative tampons and stuff. Yes friends, it's my favorite time of year - Halloween. Ahhhhhhh.........the one time of year you can rob a Denny's and not get arrested..................oh, and you can also get to dress up!

Has anyone else noticed that this year Halloween falls on a FRIDAY? Whoa. Dude. Dangerous. In keeping with tradition, I will be hosting a Halloween "party" at my "place" on the top "floor" in the lovely Avalon "towers" in "SOMA"*. If you've been to one of my parties before, you KNOW you will be gettin' yo' grub on and yo' drink on while you're gettin' your cheesy games (or haunted house on). This year, you can even play pool or watch the fireworks from the outdoor patio (there are fireworks on Halloween, right)?

And, oh, this year it will be EXTREMELY EXCLUSIVE. Only the first 49 people (in honor of the San Francisco 49ers**) will be admitted. Regular readers of the bloggity blogs5 in the Bay Area will get first dibs - official invites to go out in a week or so. If interested, post a response to this entry and you will automatically be added to the VIP list - note: this means you will probably have to WORK the party.....and/or be the subject in the barrel when people are bobbing for.....well, you.

So, now that we've got that behind us.....was anyone else in the city over Labor Day? Holy crap. THAT is why SF is so amazing. Summer is finally here!!!! Bike ride to Marin with da boys, tennis with my blistered partner, sushi and pub crawl with friends, way too many drinks with Sunset co-workers (there goes what little reputation I was trying to salvage). All good in the 'hood.

Halloween theme to be announced shortly. Peace (in the middle east).

* Gratuitous use of quotes caused by "global warming".

** Ok, it is REALLY in honor of the Avalon's stupid rules.

Fonzie done jumped that shark 'ready, Kenny

Great article I saw in the Yahoo business section today:

Title of Article: New Kenny Rogers record sold exclusively at Cracker Barrel

First Quote from Kenny Rogers in Article: "For me, the whole goal is to stay relevant as long as I can"

Um, yeah. Enough said.

http://biz.yahoo.com/ap/080826/people_kenny_rogers.html?.v=1

Bloggity Blogs Five Returns After Two Month Strike

Whew, June and July were tough months for the Bloggity Blogs 5. Apparently, the staff was the last to find out about the Writers Guild of America strike that ended in February. Unfortunately, that did not stop the staff from taking a hard stance and complaining that their 'pay sucked' and that 'shimmer is a floor wax, not a dessert topping'. And hence, 2 months with no posts. No ridiculous travel stories. No mention of any 2008 national champion basketball team. Not even a single poop and/or fart joke. Tens of thousands of (well, actually, only about 10 total) people mourned. What were they to do without their weekly (uh, more like monthly) dose of wit, sarcasm and general tomfoolery?

Well, bb5 fans, I am happy to report that after hours/weeks/days of union negotiations, the strike is officially over. Muchas gracias to our lawyers and to the vending machine on the 2nd floor of 238 Pine St. I don't think this wouldn't have gotten done if both sides didn't share a mutual love for FunYuns. Delicious, delicous FunYuns.

SO, much has happened in the world of MCA since we last stopped by the bb5. After 6 months of essentially d*cking off at the beginning of 2008, I have been working up a storm in the past couple of months. On the weekends, have been helping my friends develop a business plan for their startup, and during the week have been spending my time in Menlo Park at the WORLD headquarters for Sunset Magazine. Super nice people, mellow culture, good team under me, even have a few cool kids working there. Seriously, what more can you ask for? Free sod for my garden? Oh wait, I GET THAT TOO. Oh wait, I don't have a garden. Only complaint so far is that the commute sucks. Spending 1.5 hours+ on public transport is a great way to................ WASTE 1.5+ hours of every day. It could be worse, but it is definitely eating into my ultimate fighting training time.

And so, on to the major accomplishments of the summer:

1) Got a new drivers license. Successfully convinced the attendant to let me keep this photo even though she said I "looked like a serial killer". Mission accomplished.

2) Joined Facebook. Was shocked to see that so many of my friends are actually ON Facebook. Thought it was just a site where people went to pick up high school girls. Amazed how much time people spend updating me on 'what they are doing every second of every day'. Glad to know that my friend Nick just took a dump...... because 55 minutes ago he was feeling constipated...and that's because 2.5 hours ago he ate a cheeseburger.....and had 3 donuts for breakfast....and....and......and............ oh man, it's all exhausting.

3) Went with Miriam to the 189th best beach in the US, Virginia Beach. Have you been thinking to yourself, "gee, I love the grittiness and violence of East Oakland, but I wish it was closer to the beach"? Well, VB is the place for you. Got smoked out on day 2 thanks to some forest fires down yonder in North Carolina. You know what caused those forest fires, right? Global Warming! Highlight of the trip was showing up to the fireworks show only to figure out that they started 20 minutes earlier than they were supposed to............end result being that we got to see 30 seconds of fireworks. Spent the rest of the night trying not to get mugged.

4) Received my first paycheck of the year! Went out and spent it immediately on a new guitar (Martin), new TV (plasma) and a bunch of new hats and stuff.

5) Joined zipcar. This has changed my life and is the greatest idea ever (besides the IPhone). I may never buy a car again.

6) Had my 'officially in the upper part of my 30s' bday party and decided that my alter personna, the Great Moustachio, should make a grand return. Tried unsuccessfully to get a new friends (Sunset) vs. old friends (Jamba) fight going. Pretended like it was my 21st birthday by staying up until 5am. Thanks to global warming, I was hung over the next day. I hate you Al Gore!

The group post-Dinner at Cha Cha Cha in the Mission


Da boys...
The great Moustachio returns..... If you're white and you know it, throw up some awkward gang signs....
7) Had the fam out to SF for a visit. After years of threatening her, we finally forced my mom to go to a sushi restaurant. She had never tried sushi before and was a total baby about the whole thing - this after years of tormenting me with threats because I wouldn't try nasty vegetables that she cooked. This was actually pretty fun for me.

Bite #1 of Sushi....... look at that pained expression on her face....

Eat your sushi, or you don't get to have dessert!

Happier times at the Giants game.

8) Wrapped up the summer with a 2 week visit from Miriam. We hit up Napa, Fresno, & Monterey and even found time to sing karaoke, eat at my new favorite restaurant Farina (pesto pasta is amazing) and attend a "Kung Fu Hustle" Movie Party. Too much fun.


Overall, a very good summer. Life is good. Peace out peeps.

Where, oh where, has my bloggity blog gone?

Wow, maintaining a blog should be fairly easy when you're not working, right?! I've been doing some reading on effective blogs and posting once a month is apparently a good way to drive all of your traffic away. It appears to be working - awesome.

There is an excuse, albeit lame - the job search intensified in late April/early May. I spent hours searching for jobs, talking with recruiters, etc. After several interviews with companies of all sizes and shapes, the BIG news is that I have accepted an offer! I will be headed to work this Tuesday for Sunset Publishing Corporation (Sunset Magazine) as their VP, Finance & Business Development. Yea! It's a part of the Time Inc family, but is operated fairly independently and has the feeling of a small company. Everyone I met with was incredibly genuine, nice and seemed dedicated to the brand (sound familiar?). Website needs a little bit of work, but you can check it out here. I am pumped about the opportunity! Only thing that will suck is the 45 minute commute to Menlo Park. Ah, how I long for the days when I lived 6 blocks away from my office....

Other big news, the Dupree era is officially over! I have moved out of my friend Nathan & Sarah's basement and into a one bedroom apartment at the fabulous Avalon in SOMA. Ok, so maybe fabulous is a little bit of an overstatement. The apartment itself is a step down from my place in the Mission:
- has slightly dated carpet instead of hardwood floors
- instead of a view of the city skyline, I have a view of a courtyard that looks like it belongs in an Embassy Suites
- has only 1 bedroom vs. 2 previously, although we all know how much I used that 2nd bedroom
- no crackheads outside of my front door (makes it harder for me to obtain crack and/or friends)

However, there are SEVERAL nice features of the new pad:
- laundry IN the apartment - WHAT? I know this seems trivial for some, but this is the first time I have had this in over TEN years.
- gym, indoor basketball court, ping pong, climbing wall, pool table, hot tub....ALL onsite. WOW!
- free wifi party room on 19th floor with sweeping views...only a matter of time before we destroy this....
- concierge service - still not sure what I am supposed to do with this, but it sounds cool
- right across the street from CalTrans....which I will be using every day to get down to Sunset

All in all, a "pretty sweet deal" as William Macy says in Fargo. The neighborhood doesn't have much charm, but there are several decent restaurants within 3-4 blocks and a Safeway right across the street. I am also about 100 yards from SBC Park, home of the San Francisco Giants. Too bad they suck now! I am going to try to make a go of it without a car for awhile - we'll see how long that lasts......

As always, I found time to have some fun in the past few weeks as well. A quick summary:
- My Aunt Pam and Uncle Ed stopped by the Bay on a layover from their 3 week trip to Southeast Asia. Their request after 3 weeks of noodles and rice? A good ole fashioned 'Merican meal. AP & UE are the coolest!

- Saw The Teenagers at The Independent in April. While their album is my favorite of the year thus far, the band was not that stellar live - sometimes it just doesn't translate. I think the lead singer was saving his voice for Coachella or something. My buddy Aaron and I had fun nonetheless....


- Was at THE concert of the year this past Wednesday at the Rickshaw Stop. The Definite Articles PACKED the house and put on an amazing show at their CD release show. The band was incredibly tight and the sound was amazing (even if we were all a little blown away by Arjun's genius but extremely loud drums). Thanks to all my peeps who made the effort and came out - hope you enjoyed being a part of history. Again, for music/info, check out: http://www.myspace.com/thedefinitearticles

- Flew my brother Brianna up last weekend to participate in the most fun 'race' held annually in SF, the Bay to Breakers. My friend Shawn and I decided to reprise our role as the award-winning news team, WB2B, starring:

Michael Andrews as sexy newscaster, "Brock Mansion"

Shawn Alpay as nerdy sidekick, "Frank Salazar"

Brianna James Taylor as "Travis the kind of scary cameraguy who might kick your ass if you touch his camera one more time"

We had a ridiculously fun time. Exclusive coverage from the event will follow shortly - Brianna is feverishly working to edit over 2 hours of mostly repetitive, somewhat drunken drivel into a 15 minute piece that makes us look hilarious. More to come, but here are a few in-action shots from fans on the course:

- My final days of freedom also had a quick visit from my friend Miriam. We packed all kinds of fun stuff into 3 days: tennis, cycling to Tiburon, dinner with Dage & Jay at Perbacco and German food at Suppenkuche. Here is a shot of Miriam and my godson Jaxon. Couple of good looking kids!

Whew, another MASSIVE post. I guess that's what happens when you wait a month. Considering I am starting a new job, I'm sure the next post probably won't be in the next few days either, but keep checking in from time to time. I leave you today with an article from one of my favorite publications, The Onion. Classic!

30 Years of Man's Life Disappear in Mysterious 'Kansas Rectangle'

Ok, so I think the Kansas Jayhawks did actually win the National Championship

After more than two and a half weeks, I am finally willing to acknowledge that the victory in the National Championship was not a dream and it ACTUALLY HAPPENED. Unbelievable!!! Go Hawks!!!

So there has been much discussion/gloating/etc post-game and I thought I would share a bit of the shenanigans:

First off, a little family related celebration. From the fine publication that is the Topeka Capital Journal, a picture of my little brother Grant (see arrow) on the night of the championship:

This picture was taken in downtown Lawrence on the day of the 12 minute 'congratulations for winning the championship' parade:

This photo was taken the same day in downtown Manhattan, KS (home of the rival Kansas State Wildcats):On the scale of 1 to funny, I'd give this about a 2. But, this next video is a little better. Since Mario Chalmers hit the big 3 at the end of regulation in the National Championship, it has been referred to as "One Shining Moment". The following is a tribute to our other (and more hated) rival, the Missouri Tigers and some of their shining moments over the past few years:

Ahhhhhh.....it is a good time to be a Jayhawk.....

So there was a lot of discussion following the game regarding Roy Williams (current UNC coach and former longtime KU coach) wearing a KU Jayhawks sticker on his shirt at the National Championship game. Ok, so I can understand how UNC fans might be a little disappointed considering his UNC team 'got their tails whooped' (as he would say) 2 nights earlier. BUT, the gesture went a long way with many KU fans. This barbershop owner in Lawrence DID have a portrait of Roy in the bathroom (called it Roy's Room) until the sticker incident:

When Roy left KU 5 years ago, I was definitely bummed. I had seen him speak a couple of times and thought he was not only an amazing coach, but an amazing human being. Very humble, hard working, genuine guy. I couldn't fault him for going back to his alma mater, but I still felt a little slighted by the guy who I had worshipped for 10+ years.

It passed after a year or so and when Roy finally won his first national championship at UNC, I was happy for him. Many KU fans, however, seemed to foster a deep rooted hatred for the guy for many years. I am HOPING that this gesture will finally 'bury the hatchet' so to speak. In the meantime, we can continue to laugh at his expense. Here are some photos of Roy celebrating the victory:




Kansas Jayhawks #1. Believe it. And good thing we won it this year because our entire team just declared for the NBA draft. Peace.

Calling All Cars!

Friends, I don't ask you for much*, but I am asking for your support at an upcoming event. It's over a month away and I am going to be reminding you nearly every day until it happens, but please save the following date: Wednesday, May 21st.

A pal of mine from the old days of 2006, Shawn (aka Norm Jr. aka Grizzly Adams aka Sir Sleeps A Lot) and his band, The Definite Articles, are playing at the Rickshaw Stop. But wait, there's more! It is their CD release party....and rumor has it they will also be selling flash drives of their EP - never done before in the history of music!**

The Definite Articles have been compared to The Arcade Fire, Final Fantasy and Elvis among others and I would describe them as indie cello rock. I think the sound is really f*cking amazing but you can check it out for yourself here. Listen to "Sea Things" - it is just blowing me away right now. Beautiful melodies, transitions, progression, strings everywhere. Listen to it. Seriously. It may change your life.

I feel like this show is going to be one of those events where you will be able to tell your grandkids........"I was at the Definite Articles first CD release party." Of course, your grandkids will probably be like, "The Definite Articles? Oh man, that's OLD PEOPLE MUSIC". But, hey, screw them. I mean, what did those stupid grandkids ever do for you anyway..... ungrateful little sons of..............I digress.

Mark your calendars. Be there or......just be there.

* Unless you are Nathan and Sarah........whose house I have been squatting at for nearly 2 months. I ask them for quite a bit, like rides to the grocery store and for my allowance and stuff.

** Ok, I'm sure someone has probably already done it, but it seems like a pretty ingenious idea to me.

Laziest Bloggity Blog Ever

Sheesh maneesh. I have been horrible. The good news for the few bloggity blogs 5 regulars out there is that I will be forced for once to be brief in describing the highlights of my past 3 weeks of continued unemployment. Ah, who am I kidding? I can't be brief!!! This is going to be one long f*cking post. Might want to cancel that meeting you have this morning.....

So, in the past 3 weeks, I have...............................

Attended a Nada Surf/Sea Wolf concert at The Fillmore. Sea Wolf is one of those indie bands that just pretty much kicks a bunch of you know what. When my bro worked at musicplustv.com, he and I filmed an interview with lead singer Alex Church at the Treasure Island Music Festival. I was "associate producer" which meant I pretty much stood around and tried not to make any noise. Die hards can check out the interview here.

If you have 3 minutes and 36 seconds, check out their single, "You're a Wolf" here - one of my favorite songs of 2007. Hey, you can listen while you read! Do it. Photo from the Fillmore show:

And Nada Surf, what a great story. Thought they would be a one hit wonder (they sang that song "Popular" in the early zips), but they came back from the abyss and have produced 3 solid albums. Live show was fun - they had a lot of fan participation and even invited a few friends on stage near the end......

2 nights later, I went to see Tokyo Police Club at The Independent. Although their new music/album lacks the raw power of their previous 2 EPs, I thought they sounded great live. Especially for guys that look like they could still be in middle school. Big props to my friends Isabel and Matt who toughed it out on a Monday night to join me for the show and the MOST DELICIOUS SALADS in San Francisco at Fly Bar....seriously if you haven't had the 5 parts bacon, 1 part spinach salad, you are missing out!!!

The day before the TPC show, I attended a truly San Francisco event with my friend Gloria from Charlottesville (good timing on the visit Gloria!!!) The 8th annual Bring Your Own Big Wheel race for adults. I think the photos do most of the explaining, but in summary: 400 adults, in costumes racing down THE crookedest street in San Francisco (for all you tourists, it is not Lombard but VERMONT in Potrero Hill) while 1,000 spectators look on. Wow. Next year you can be damn sure that I will be on a big wheel.....

After my weekend of musica and big wheel fun, I headed for San Diego to hang out with my double Js friend Renee. Got to "surf" one day although I think that you call what I was doing "fall" - I blame the crappy conditions. Also put on one of the most pathetic shufflepuck performances in the history of barsports one night when out with her baby's daddy Brenton and his friends. Needless to say, I bought most of the drinks that night. Renee attempted to get me hooked on this horrible television show on Bravo (oh wait, that's redundant) called Rich Housewives of New York or something. The premise is these ridiculously spoiled socialite women who basically plan parties, play tennis and bitch about absolutely nothing. It would be worth watching if ANY OF THEM were hot. Ok, maybe not. They are complete retards.

During the weekend, I watched my Hawks play their way into the Final Four (more on that later) and attended a wine party thrown by the PDiddy of San Francisco, Lyle Poindexter (yes, this is his real name). Normally, I would think a wine party would not be my scene, but it was a blast. Maybe it was the fact that we had to try 15 different wines? While definitely feeling it, I miraculously gave a duplicated wine the same score at positions #2 and #13.....yeah, let's see YOU try that after 12 glasses of wine! Some samples from my comment sheet:

"if my grandmother were alive, she might like this wine. but, she's not. she's dead. thanks for me reminding me"

"very grapey with hints of red wine"

"this wine is so oaky it reminds me of West Virginia......which reminds me of Deliverance.....which reminds me of that scene with Ned Beatty and the hillbillies.......which......you know what, this wine sucks"

Fun times, indeed. The next week saw me travelling back to Virginia to hang out with my friend Miriam. The first time I rolled through Charlottesville, it was freezing and gray. This time, it was......um, well, exactly the same. I think there is some kind of wierd Michael Andrews/Charlottesville jinx going on. All of our outdoor activities plans (tennis, hiking, etc) were scrapped, but we did get to go to:
1) Thomas Jefferson's house (Monticello)!

2) The gift shop at Thomas Jefferson's house (I think we actually spent more time here than the actual house)!
3) Perform the musical "Singing in the Rain" starring Miriam's friend Christina as Gene Kelly!

4) Watch the Kansas Jayhawks demolish North Carolina and then Memphis! YEAH!!!!!

5) Get our picture taken by these flowers!

6) Go to the climbing wall!

7) And.....and.......and.....

Yep. Did I mention that I got to stay in the dorms again and eat at the dining hall? I had nachos, pizza, salad, cereal and 3 different types of pasta for lunch! One night, the guys and I on the floor stayed up until 4am playing video games, playing poker and rating the girls on the floor. It was awesome. Ok, there may be SOME embellishment here...

So, last but certainly not least. Kansas Jayhawks NATIONAL CHAMPIONS!!!!!!!!!!!! Holy CRAP!!!!!!! I still feel like it is all a dream. Except it is getting to be a really long dream. And frankly, parts of the dream have been kind of lame and unnecessary - like why would I get a cold after the game? I am just hoping it wasn't like that one season of Dallas where Bobby Ewing died, but it ended up all being in his wife's head and then he came back.

So, the main thing I will say about the Championship.......man, it takes a lot of luck to win the whole thing. We could have very easily gone home if Davidson would have made the three pointer at the end of the game OR if North Carolina would have kept their rally going in the second half of the semifinal OR if Memphis wouldn't have completely choked and missed all those free throws OR if Mario wouldn't have made that incredible three pointer at the end of regulation. Florida coach Billy Donovan said it best after his team won in 2006 - if you played the games again, you probably would get a completely different outcome. No doubt. But, I will take it. The National Championship that is. Kansas Jayhawks #1.

Whew. I've got to start updating this more often so it doesn't become such a marathon. Updates on my job search upcoming - I actually had an interview last week. WHOA.

Rock [something that rhymes with hawk] Jayhawk, Go KU.....

Wow. I am way behind on posts and need to catch up something fierce, but I had to drop by to say.......WOW. Mario Chalmers for President.

For the first time in 20 LONG years, my beloved Jayhawks have actually done the unthinkable, winning the NCAA tournament. I have woken up the past couple of days thinking that this whole past couple of weeks were just a long, detailed dream. I am starting to believe that it may not be a dream afterall......

Much more to follow, but here is a picture of some of the 75,000 people that poured into Downtown Lawrence the night of the victory:

Unbelievable.

The Madness that is March

So, apparently, there was this basketball tournament that began a couple of days ago. I stumbled upon it as I was settling in to my daily ritual of The Price is Right and The Young & Restless.

Actually, the first two days of the NCAA Tournament are always two of my favorite days of the year, trailing only Flag Day (June 14th) and Employee Legal Awareness Day (Feb 13th). I usually spend very little time actually doing any work and most of my time behind 'closed doors' taking 'important phone calls' where I never actually 'say anything' and 'yell randomly at my computer screen' all the while 'scratching my crotch'. You know the drill. It is March Madness, an American tradition of unproductiveness (yes I know this is not a word, but who made you Bin Laden).

This year, without a job, it was like being a crackhead in a........store that........ sells only crack, I guess. I think I watched like 15 different games - 4 shy of my personal record and enough to make my eyes bleed at the end of today.

And, hey, how about that action the past couple o' days? WOW. This is one of those tournaments where a gay dude who was the youngest doctor ever and knows nothing about basketball is likely leading your bracket. Glad I paid attention to all of those meaningless regular season games and the so-called expert advice as it was ABSOLUTELY WORTHLESS as normal. Summary of my favorite games/stats:

- Stanford 1567, Cornell 1526 in an unbelievably nerdy showdown of SAT scores. Apparently there was also a basketball game played.

- UNC 113, Mount St. Mary's 74- I knew some guys who went to Mount St. Mary's High School and I'm not really sure that the selection committee should let high schools play in the tournament. It just doesn't seem fair.....unless one of your players is Teen Wolf.

- UT stops Austin Peay - Ironic/funny as UT is located in Austin and Peay is pronounced Pee. It reminds me of the headlines in my hometown newspaper when my high school, the Topeka High Trojans, would play the Seaman Vikings. Examples: Trojans overcome by Seaman. Seaman penetrates Trojan Defense. Trojans Block Seaman, Seaman cums all over Trojans face, etc. For the record, if Austin Peay and Oral Roberts ever make the tournament again in the same year, the selection committee would be STUPID not to set that up as a first round matchup.

- Pac 10 teams: 3-3 in the first round. The 3 teams that won will likely be gone by the second round (ok, UCLA might make it one more round). But seriously, how much is enough? I think it is time for the Pac 10 to shut down basketball operations and focus solely on football.

More action tomorrow. A big battle between former K-State coach/all around great guy Lon Kruger's UNLV Running Rebels and the top ranked Kansas Jayhawks. After upsets plagued the rest of the Midwest bracket I see an easy road to the Elite Eight for the Jayhawks..... which means they will probably find a way to completely blow it tomorrow. Prediciton: UNLV 134, KU 62.

Ok, so enough of the basketball already. I told you I was not going to turn this into a political blog, but hey, how about that Gerald Ford, huh? God he is such a jerk! Just kidding - your moment of zen is this article from the Onion on Obama. Classico.

You, Me and Bloggitybloasifasdfljk....

Ok, so I have clearly been slacking.......the bloggity blogs5 has become quite stale. I mean, how many times can you read the Irony Maiden post before you get tired of it? (answer: 4.3). Need......more.......content........

As many of you know, I have been living the tranquil, suburban life in the hills of East Bay city, El Cerrito (see above). Yes, temporarily, I have become B&T*. Here are a few quick facts:

1) El C is where bands Metallica and Creedence Clearwater Revival got their start. Rock.

2) Former KU basketball great and current Chicago Bull Drew Gooden went to El C High

3) The hills here are ridiculously steep....especially when you don't have a car

4) Everyone waves at you (or says hello) in the neighborhood - it's really creepy

5) The assembly woman for El C is named Loni Hancock. I thought that was relevant for some reason. Maybe it is because her last name is Hancock. And I have the humor of a 2nd grader.

My friends Nathan and Sarah graciously agreed to let me stay in their house for the past two weeks and have said that I can stay until I find a job.** Did you ever see that movie, "You, Me & Dupree". Yeah, well, I am pretty much Dupree.........although I have yet to have sex with a mormon librarian and/or use butter in any way other than as cover for my toast.

With the exception of trying to find a job (which is kind of sucky), life is golden. The El C house is 2 blocks away from Wildcat Canyon, which has great biking/hiking trails and views like this:

AND, there are only a 20 minute walk from BART! Oh wait, that part sucks. BUT, it has not limited me from getting out there a bit. Standout moments from the previous week:

- Two Beer Wednesday resurrected! A few of the old Jamba colleagues came out for the time honored tradition at Emervyille standby, Bar Kitty's. It was a gay old time. Check out this handsome group!!! Remember folks in the Bay Area, 2BW is EVERY Wednesday. Get out and show your support!





- The weekend saw me a) helping a friend's sister's father's cousin's half brother's uncle's farmer's daughter move out of her apartment (long story) b) eating half my weight in beef and pork products at my friend Sleepy Shawn's BBQ and c) spending my Sunday glued to the TV set watching Kansas put the smack down on Texas.......which propelled the Hawks to a #1 seed in the NCAA tournament. As Dickie V would say, AWESOME BABY!

- If you are ever in Piedmont, you should really ask yourself, what the hell am I doing here and what is the quickest way to San Francisco?!?!? Actually, it is a pretty cool little enclave in the East Bay and when you are there and hungry, you HAVE to try out LoCoCo Restaurant. Seriously, some of the best Italian in the Bay Area - this place makes a mean tortellini and the pizza is top notch. Tell 'em Ingrid sent you.***

- Went to a photography exhibit tonight at the W where my friend Arlene (stage name Elizabeth) actually was a finalist in an event sponsored by 944 magazine. It was the kind of event where you see the people that are in the society pages. Arlene won an award and will get to show her work at Jack Fischer gallery. Big time awesomeness. Check out her work here. You.....go.....girl.....

So, that's pretty much life, in a nutshell, when you're not working. It doesn't suck. March Madness officially kicks off tomorrow and I can spend hours watching meaningless basketball games. Ahhhhhhh.

Per the Daily Show, here is the bloggity blogs5's moment of zen:
Kansas Woman Sits On Boyfriend's Toilet for 2 Years

* For those not 'in the know' this is a nickname for someone who can only get into the city (ie civiilization) via a bridge and/or a tunnel

** Which, at this rate, should be sometime in early 2010

*** This will get you nothing but strange looks, but do it anyway. And then punch the waiter in the groin, just for good measure.

Irony Maiden

If you have ever been to Disneyland, you have probably made the mistake of getting on the "It's a small world" ride. If you're like me, you then most likely had the song, "It's a small world, afterall" stuck in your head for the next 14 years. BUT, as much as I hated the ride (and the following 14 years of torment in my head), the message is on point - it is INDEED a very small world.

On Sunday, I went to play tennis with a girl I dated last year. We'll call her "Tina"*. Things ended on good terms and we figured out that we are better friends than whatever it was that we were. So, anyway, before we started playing, Tina told me she had started dating this new guy. Interesting, but not where the story gets interesting.

So, she told me about the guy and it was pretty standard stuff, grew up in Hawaii, went to like an ivy league school or something, walks on water, etc. Again, story still not interesting.

After tennis, Tina and I grabbed lunch and she got a text from her new guy. She was originally going to get something to take home to him, but instead he decided to join us for lunch. Finally.... we are getting somewhere in this story.......

So new guy, "Walter" shows up and we chat for a few minutes. Seems like a nice guy. I start telling some stupid story about something that happened over the holidays and mention that I'm from Kansas. THIS is where the story gets interesting. The conversation verbatim:

Walter: "Hey, wait a minute, where did you grow up in Kansas"

MCA: "In the capital city, Topeka"

Walter: "Oh, really, I lived there for a year when I was pretty young"

MCA: "How old are you again?"

Walter: "I'm 30. [Pause] Yeah, we lived on Pembroke Lane**"

MCA: "Wait a minute, WHAT? Are you f*cking serious? I lived on Pembroke Lane too. What's your last name?"

Walter: "Roth"

MCA: "Oh my god. You're not going to believe this. We grew up in the same house - my parents bought the house from your parents"

NO WAY! What are the ODDS? Unbelievable. I can't say I remember him, I just remembered a bunch of kids running around the house when we visited. I also remembered his sister because I thought she was hot at the time (I think I was 8 when we moved in). Tina clearly has a thing for dudes that lived at 1940 Pembroke Lane (see below). Geez Tina, branch out a little, would you?

Funniest part of the story is when I called my mom to tell her what had happened. I filled her in on all of the details, including one detail that I had found out after we left the restaurant - that Walter's mom is a clown. My mom busted out the comment "she is STILL a clown? wow, I can't believe it". Guess Walter's mom has been doing kids birthday parties for quite awhile.

And the CRAZIEST part of the story is that his dad is David Lee Roth, head of Van Halen! Ok, now I am just making crap up. You really had to be there to truly enjoy the stupidness, but I thought it was bloggity blogs5 worthy. Stay Sexy San Diego.

* For the record, her real name is Tina........ although if I was going to make up a name, Tina would be a good one. Famous Tinas: Turner, Yothers, Fey, a disproportionate number of porn stars, etc.

** Readers Note: this is an 8 block street in Topeka - a town of nearly 200,000 people. SO, unlike what most of you are thinking (there are only 2 roads in Topeka), it actually is a decent sized town....even if it is a dump.

This is the kind of stuff you come across when you don't have a job

So, I have to share a few hilarious things I have found on the interweb through friends over the past few weeks.

First off, if you have never seen the Sarah Silverman Show on Comedy Central, watch it....she is hilarious. She happens to be dating Jimmy Kimmel who hosts a late night show on ABC. This was a clip from one of his shows a few weeks ago. Classically funny - I'm f*cking Matt Damon.

Not to be outdone, Kimmel responds back with a little love of his own....with the help of some big names in Hollywood. I'm f*cking Ben Affleck.

Wow.

Also got this link to a blog called, Stuff White People Like today and realized, DAMN. I am as white as they get. Happy Wednesdays Crackers and Non-Crackers

This is the end, beautiful friend

I have noticed that it is impossible to get a "case of the Mondays" when you are not working. In fact, I look forward to Mondays.....and Tuesdays......and............and....... oh, how I am going to miss these times when I have to go back to work...........






On Monday evening, I rolled into Charlottesville, Virginia - the home of the University of Virginia. For the first time on my trip, I got to experience what college life is REALLY all about. Like every other school I walked around campus, saw the bell tower, etc.... but Charlottesville was special because I got to stay in the dorms!

When was the last time you were in the dorms? For me it had been awhile, not counting my dreams, where I find myself back in the dorms quite often - psychoanalysis anyone? I stayed with my friend Miriam (you may remember her from her starring role in Argentina blog entries). Miriam is essentially living for free - she only has to watch over a couple of students in exchange for free rent. Not a bad gig...... except for the "having to live with a bunch of kids in the dorms" part. Ah, it wasn't that bad.......

That night, we met up for dinner with friends made in Argentina, Gloria and Marcel. It was AWESOME to catch up with everyone and for once I did not have to feel guilty about not being able to speak Spanish! We had our reunion dinner at this Asian (I think it was billed as Thai?) place that served pizza, nachos, and I think hot dogs. Ok, maybe not hot dogs, but it was definitely an interesting form of Asian fusion. Here are the scores: Grub (4 out of 5 : believe it or not, their combos worked... best was the tuna tartare pizza); Beck (4 out of 5: cool spot, red lighting); Deluise (3 out of 5: nowhere near the BBQ, but not the healthiest Asian food I have ever eaten).

The next day while Miriam was teaching class, I either (choose your own adventure):

a) conned my way into the UVA student exercise facility and played basketball, ran, lifted weights OR

b) hung out with the other residents in the dorm, playing Xbox and poker while polishing off a case of beer and talking about the hot girls on the floor OR

c) robbed a liquor store, shot up some smack and beat up a bunch of tobacco plantation owners

Tuesday evening, Miriam cooked us all a delicious pasta meal at Gloria's groovy retro pad. Much to my chagrin, I had to say adios to the lovely Miriam on Wednesday and start the long painful drive back to Kansas. Here was a quick summary of my trip:

- West Virginia: much prettier than I thought it would be. I can also happily report that I had no 'Deliverance/Ned Beatty' incidents. Standout billboard seen: Picture of a dude in a hard hat with the saying "Coal, it's what for dinner" (or something like that... like Coal, heats our homes or something). Had a late lunch at a West Virginia staple, 'Tudor's Biscuit World'. The bacon I had in my biscuit was crisp, delicious and I'm pretty sure it was fat free.

- Kentucky: been here before and don't need to go back anytime soon. No mint juleps consumed.

- Ohio: Ate dinner in Cincinnati at Zip's Cafe, supposedly the 'best burger place in town' and one of the best 'cheap eats'. I say, 'mediocre burger' and 'might as well just eat at Wendys'. Overall, Cincinnati looked like a pretty cool town - kind of like a poor man's Chicago.

- Indiana: Stayed the night at the dumpiest Ramada Inn hotel in the tri-state area. Had breakfast at a chain called Bob Evans, where the baked goods and sausage were stupid good. Indiana overall reminded me of Kansas - flat, barren, farms, everything revolves around basketball, etc.

- Southern Illinois/Missouruh: Drove as fast as I could through these dumpy states.

And after 18 hours of driving in two days, I was back where I started.....in good ole Topeka, Kansas. Final trip stats:

- New states visited: 8 (this means I have now seen 45 of the 50 states with only Alaska, Maine, Montana, Idaho, Louisiana left!)

- Number of miles driven: 3,295 (total spent on gas $318)

- Best barbeque consumed: Memphis

- Least favorite state: Mississippi

- Total pounds gained: 5ish (would have been higher if I didn't get the flu)

- Total basketball games watched: 5

My last couple of days in Kansas were spent catching up with family and catching up on some zs. Oh, and of course I had to see ONE MORE basketball game! Saturday night, I hit up the nationally televised/hyped interstate battle between the K-State Wildcats and KU Jayhawks at MY favorite place to see a basketball game, Allen Fieldhouse. The place was electric and LOUD and revenge was definitely on the Jayhawk fans' minds as our rivals had beaten us for the first time in 23 years on their home floor a month ago. The Jayhawks did not disappoint and played one of their best games of the year, winning 88-74, despite 39 points by the Wildcats' player of the year candidate, Michael Beasley. I was extremely lucky to get into the game and I made sure that I yelled enough that I would be hoarse for the next 2 days. Post-game festivities were held at an old college haunt, Louise's Downtown with my buds Ashley and Marc. Too much fun.

Sunday, I flew into Oakland and was instantly reminded why I live in the Bay Area. 65 degrees and sunny. And then this crazy guy started chirping like a bird and looked at me like I had stolen his child or something. Ahhhhhhhhhhh, home.

Good news blog fans, until I get a job, the bloggity blogs5......must......go.....on...... more to follow soon. Word.

Man, I HATE Duke

So getting sick sucked, but it meant getting to see a game at two of the most prominent college basketball programs in the country, Duke and North Carolina. Everything happens for a reason.......

Saturday I showed up at Cameron Indoor Stadium, to see the Duke Blue Devils take on the St. John's Red Storm. The subject of much debate between KU and Duke fans, Cameron is 'supposedly' the best arena in the country to see a college basketball game (KU fans would argue that Allen Fieldhouse is #1). So, with a completely partial view, I went in with high expectations AND an extreme hatred of Duke. I was blown away.

I will only say this once and it pains me to admit it, but I have to say that Cameron IS the best place to see a basketball game in the country. Sigh. There are a few reasons that make it unique/special:
- It is a small arena... capacity is only 9,300 (compare to 16k-20k for most major program arenas) and they PACK you in - luckily no one sat next to me because otherwise I would have had to put my legs ON the person sitting in front of me.
- The facilities were completely OLD SCHOOL - built in 1940 and barely renovated since....lots of charm. The entrance I went through made it feel like I was going to church or the opera or something. Please note: I have ever been to an opera, this example was used for illustrative purposes only.
- The students (aka the Cameron Crazies) get the best seats in the house - the first 8 rows of one complete side of the arena! Most universities understandably reserve these seats for alumni with deep pockets. But, Duke's decision to give these to the students gives them a distinct home court advantage.

Since the students are practically ON the court and because the arena is so small, the cohesiveness and volume of the chants/cheers is like nothing I have ever seen.....again, I have to apologize to all of my Jayhawk comrades. Also, the Cameron Crazies are pretty damn creative for rich, white kids. Some standout things I noticed:
- When opponent's players are announced, they all say in unison (while waving): "Hi Jamal" in a real sarcastic tone
- New free throw distraction tactics that made me laugh out loud: counting down from 10 really quickly; making sexual groaning noises
- When the opponent comes on the floor, they put the 'hex' on them by pointing their arms and chanting 'uhhhhhh'........and they do it not just for 15 seconds, but for like 5 minutes straight.

It just really amazed me how pumped everybody was throughout the whole game. The game was essentially over with about 10 minutes to go in the first half and yet the crowd was still in it. They were yelling 'Defense' with 75 seconds left to go in the game and Duke up by 30. WHAT?! Incredible. Man, I hate Duke.....................

That evening I went out in Chapel Hill for delicious pizza and wine on Franklin St. with an old Jamba friend, Hannah Pask. Her dog Zeke (Nasty) unfortunately wouldn't sit still long enough, but that is a 'Tar Heels' bib that he has on. Yeah, college basketball is big in this area.



Sunday night, I saw the North Carolina Tar Heels take on the Wake Forest Demon Deacons. Wow, talk about a totally different experience. While North Carolina has a deep tradition like Duke and KU, the Dean Dome (their 22,000 seat arena) doesn't hold a candle to Cameron or Allen Fieldhouse. Sure, it was fun to see former KU coach/demi-god Roy Williams barking on the sideline and Player of the Year candidate Tyler Hansborough making some unbelievable moves, but the crowd was practically asleep at times during the game. And it's not like North Carolina plays boring basketball - Roy's teams always play a very entertaining, up-tempo game (oh, how I miss the days when Roy coached at KU). It was still a much better atmosphere than Memphis and Ole Miss, but the architecture/size of the arena makes all the difference.



Next stop: Virginia.

South Carolina - a great place to have the flu!

Recent commercial on daytime television:
Mom: "Gosh, I would love to go on vacation, but I just don't know where to go...."
Kid #1: "Yeah, I'm tired of always going to Florida, I wish there was somewhere else we could go..."
Kid #2: "Mom, I don't feel good"
Announcer: "Tired of the same old boring vacation spot? Have you or one of your family members recently contacted the flu? Well then I have got the place just for you....... South Carolina! Enjoy king sized beds and deluxe television screens, while you sleep 14 hours a day, eat dry toast and enjoy tea, soup and as many liquids as you can possibly put in your body. Let the staff (Aunt Pam and Uncled Ed) cater to your every need and enjoy nice views of golf courses and marshy land, as you recover....just in time to leave!"

So, I didn't exactly get to enjoy much of the splendor that is South Carolina, but if I was going to get sick this was DEFINITELY the place to do it....in style. My AP and UE were awesome and put up with my ridiculousness for nearly a week. Major props to AP and UE.

I did get the royal tour of their island (by cart no less) and I can say that I am definitely not ready to retire to this lifestyle yet.... highlights of the week:
- Dinner at the country club - I wore my best "Rodney Dangerfield in Caddyshack outfit" and fit in so well that I thought this 65 year old lady was going to try to jump my bones. She had a major case of Andrewsitis..... and with a quick look at the competition (all old wrinkly dudes), I can understand why.
- Seeing the movie Juno in Hilton Head. Oh my gosh, if you haven't seen this movie, see it. Best movie of the year. I am in love with Ellen Page.
- Eating a delicious Peanut Butter and Oreo Blizzard.......I'm stretching here. I literally spent about 40% of my time there awake. :)

The one good thing about getting sick is that it changed my schedule and I got to see a Duke AND North Carolina basketball game! More details on that to follow. Happy Tuesday suckers.

The ATL

Hey y'all! Sorry, I've been fixin' to do some postin' for the past few days, but I caught myself a good ole fashioned flu. It was not pretty. And I am going to describe it in full detail. First, I started losing all..........................................well, I guess I'll spare you the details, but let's just say I spent more time in bed than John Holmes.....except I didn't get to have as much fun.

I rolled into the ATL (Dirty South! WHAT WHAT?!) on Thursday evening and met up with my friend Benton Marshall Smith III, his wife Meredith and their lovely kids Brooke (cute girl above in horrible cheerleading outfit) and Cole. Benton and I became friends in our tenure at Jamba Juice Company and while we really didn't work together that much, we developed a lot of skits, songs and videos for the multiple brand conferences that we hosted. Not only is Ben extremely hilarious and outgoing, but so is his wife Meredith. Together they form one of the funniest/most entertaining one-two punch in couple history.

That evening we enjoyed dinner at a local catfish place and Ben got me caught up on all of the wonderful happenings at his new employer, Fantastic Sam's (a hair salon business in the South and Midwest). I seriously don't need to write any jokes about this, because the fact that Ben works there is funny enough.

On Valentine's Day, I did a little work in the morning/afternoon (huh?!) and went for a run through the campus of Ben's alma mater, Emory. Ben always likes to talk about how it is one of the top 15 universities in the country and I always like to remind him that everyone outside of Atlanta thinks that Emory is the same thing as Devry (go Jayhawks!). For dinner, Ben cooked up some of his world famous JAMBAlaya (in tribute to our former employer?)..... here are the scores: Grub (4 out of 5); Beck (2 out of 5 - hey, it was their kitchen); Deluise (1 out of 5: very healthy!). Seeing as how it was Valentine's Day, I suggested that the two of them go out while I watch the kids. After laughing for about 15 minutes straight, they asked, 'oh, were you serious?'. Instead, Ben and I went and got some beers at a couple of his old college haunts (Moe's & Joe's, Neighbor's) and then ended up at a strip club....... yes........on Valentine's Day. Extremely romantic!

Those of you who know me know that strip clubs are not my thing. I have never really understood the allure of going to a room where there are a bunch of naked women with no ultimate conclusion. It's kind of like going to a Krispy Kreme, watching the delicious smelling rings of yeast come slowly down the conveyor belt, seeing the ooey gooey sugar get dribbled all over them and then saying, "Gosh, I really want a donut....but f*ck it, I've got a four month old ho-ho in the car". Plus, of course it is degrading to women.

BUT, my friend Ben is a big fan (of the 3 strip clubs that I have been to in my life, 2 of them have been with him) and I figured I would get all kinds of great stories for the bloggity blogs5! Yeah. Unfortunately, not so much. Of the 5-7 women who came out on stage, only 1 of them was really very attractive. Overall the clientele was pretty much as you would expect.... a mixture of truck drivers, thugsters, ministers and community activists. The club did have one thing going for it though - the stereotypical DJ saying things really fast like, "All right everybody put your hands together for Cannnnnndyyyy". And, we made it out of there with Ben only spending about $40.

The next day, I woke up feeling like donkey, but we pressed on to some of the touristy spots in Atlanta. First stop, the world's LARGEST aquarium! The highlight was when Ben tried to talk the parking attendant down from the clearly stated $10 price... you kind of had to be there, but it was classic BS. Here is a photo we snuck of the cheesy photo that the aquarium tries to make you buy for $20:


After that,we checked out the World of Coke museum! I may or may not have gotten scared at the '4-D' movie.....
We had lunch at an institution, the Varsity.....chili cheese dogs, hamburgers, onion rings. Apparently this one location does over $17 Million per year! Selling $1.25 hamburgers?! The scores: Grub (3.5 out of 5: solidly good); Beck (5 out of 5: multiple rooms with lots of character, is a mixture of businessmen, blue collar, school kids, all walks of life); Deluise (5 out of 5: when is chili cheese EVER a good idea?).


That evening, I shaved down to the stash so that Meredith could officially be seen around town with the "Great Moustachio Brothers (tm)". We dined at a very nice Italian place called Ecco and quickly made a friend:


Saturday I woke up at 3:30pm (after sleeping for 15 hours straight) and somehow conjured up enough energy to drive to South Carolina with a fever of like 104. Thank God. I would have hated to burden my friends with the flu miserableness that I encountered the next 3 days. Lucky for my Aunt Pam and Uncle Ed, I got to burden them instead!

South Carolina adventures (while limited due to illness) to be updated soon.......

Oh, one last thing guys. You have got to check out the best song that I have heard in the South. It's by a guy named Steve Holy and he's got himself a "Brand New Girlfriend". Click on the link. Do it. Do it. Ok, now that you've heard this...... remember how I said that New Country was the fourth worth genre of music? Now you know HOW BAD REGGAETON IS!

I'll take a fried peanut butter and banana sandwich please. Oh, and 3 Thorazines.

So what would a trip to Memphis be without a trip to the King's house?! On my way out of the town, I stopped by what is considered Mecca by many Elvis fans, Graceland. Quick "did you know facts" about Graceland:
1) Elvis actually did not name Graceland, "Graceland": he inherited the name from the previous owners
2) Elvis had 3 televisions set up side by side in his media room so that he could watch all 3 networks at the SAME TIME. whoa.
3) Elvis was actually really into racquetball and even built an indoor court on the property......... apparently this was many years before he became 'Fat Elvis'

On Monday afternoon, I rolled into the great state of Mississippi. By great I mean, well, um, ok, it pretty much sucks. According to the internets, the state came very close to winning the triple crown last year (in other words, finishing last in income, last in education and first in obesity). I spent my time in Oxford, which is home to the University of Mississippi or "Ole Miss" as it is affectionately called. I think I repeated the phrase "Ole Miss" in a Southern accent about 150 times that day. Say it out loud and tell me that's not funny!

Ole Miss has a decent campus with lots of brick buildings and a pretty nice open field where the kids can congregate. Went to a game Monday night - the "Running Rebs" (again hilarious!) took on the mighty Presbyterian Blue Hose (who had a 4-21 record entering the game). Man, talk about bad basketball. 1,500 other frustrated fans and I sat through a miserable display of round ball. Ole Miss should have won the game by about 50, but played so poorly they only won by 11. Nice thing about the game being so empty was that you could actually hear blood vessels in Ole Miss head coach Andy Kennedy's forehead popping during the game. I thought he was going to go Bobby Knight on a couple of his players.

This morning, I completed my Elvis tour with a quick stop by his birthplace in Tupelo, MS. At the King's 2 bedroom shack, I was greeted by an old feller that was really, really nice. In fact, he was too nice. When I shook his hand, he wouldn't let go. For like 3 minutes. Reminded me of the old dude in Family Guy - I was just waiting this guy to ask if I wanted to see his popsicle collection in the basement.

Tonight, I escaped a massive thunderstorm in Tuscaloosa (home of the University of Alabama - now THAT'S a nice campus) and got safely into Birmingham. Was planning to head down to the Five Points South district but then realized I got a flat tire. Dum dum dum.... Bummer. I had to scrap my plans and walk to the Full Moom BBQ across the street to get a taste of Alabama. The scores: Grub (2 out of 5 - mediocre!); Beck (2 out of 5 - decorated in football crap, bad); Deluise (6 out of 5 - what's that called when you feel like you have mucus in your heart?).

Manana, I head for the ATL to hang out with an old partner-in-crime Benton Marshall Smith and his lovely family. Happy early Valentine's Day los suckers.

Basketball and Barbeque Tour is Officially Underway

The trip to the "dirty" South officially began Friday with a relatively painless 10 hour drive. Quite surprising considering the fact that most of the time was spent driving through Missouruh, the armpit state to the right of Kansas. You see, Missouruh is home to my alma mater's bitter rival, the Mizzou Tigers. Assuming the billboards on the highway are representative, a degree from the University of Missouri can lead to a career in any of the state's main industries:

- Guns and Ammo

- Fireworks

- Adult Videos/Book Stores

Wow. I am SO happy I went to KU.

Making the trip extremely pleasant was that my bitchen rental car, the Dodge Avenger (or DAve as I call it) has satellite radio. Also, I got an IPhone on Thursday*. So, 10 hours of indie and gangsta rap combined with web surfing made for a fun for me, dangerous for others ride.

While I was planning to drive all the way to Memphis before eating, I stumbled upon a place in southern Missouri that I had seen on the Food Channel. Billboard after billboard called me (it was like divine intervention) to Lambert's, the self annointed "home of throwed rolls". Grammar is apparently not important in Missouruh either. For my trip to the South I have decided to rate meals on a scale of 1 to 5 on three basic criteria:

- The Grub Factor - "Quality/taste of food"

- The Beck Factor - "Authenticity of concept/atmosphere, fun factor"

- The Dom Deluise Factor - "Potential of having a heart attack on premise"

After catching a couple of rolls (yes, they really do throw them), I settled into a (as promised) extremely salty ham steak. It came with all the fixins' such as mac & cheese & tomato, fried okra and mashed potatoes and fried potatoes. Pure delicousness. And the lady playing the piano old-time style next to me made me feel like I was at home. Final scores: Grub (4 out of 5); Beck (5 out of 5); Deluise (5 out of 5 - I seriously felt my heart skip a beat after my meal).

With a full belly, I pulled into Memphis at about 10pm and was blown away yet again. While not the most convenient location, the Hyatt Place is one of the nicest hotels I have ever been in..... for $99 a night. Recently remodeled with a sectional couch, pillowtop bed and 42 inch plasma in every room. I gotta throw a Lil John, "WHAT?!" out there. Incredible.

After a luxurious night sleep, I got up Saturday morning and headed to downtown Memphis to see the #1 college basketball team in the land, the Memphis Tigers, battle the lowly UCF Horned Crocodiles**.

You know how they say, 'everyone in the South is nice'? Wow, they weren't kidding. I had 'brunch' at a place before the game called Big Foot Lodge. The food was nothing special, but the bartender Joe was AWESOME. Although busy, he chatted with me nearly the whole time and filled me on places to eat, tips for bball tickets, etc. Ridiculously cool dude.

I decided to scalp tickets for the game and get this.... they were $7! #1 team in the nation and you can watch them for $7?! Sure they were upper deck seats, but they were decent. Huh?!

The game itself was pretty much a snoozer. Memphis slept walk through the first half and eventually put their lowly opponents out of their misery in the second half, winning 85-64. The atmosphere was nothing compared to Allen Fieldhouse (home of the Jayhawks). The highlight was getting to sit with the family that scalped me the ticket, the Pattons (see above and yes, they are 'kin' to General Patton). I got all kinds of great tips on places to eat, but I believe the youngest Patton, Summer, had the best comment: "in the South we're all about barbeque...well, that and meat and taters". Well said, Summer. Well said. Check this out - they actually SAW the tornado that passed through last week. Jealous!

Post-game I decided to hit up the historic and colorful Beale street, the 'home of the blues'.......... and also home to about 50 bars trying to exploit the fact that it is the 'home of the blues'. I walked into a fine establishment that enticed me with $1 beers. I ended up spending about $12 too much over the next 4 hours and jawing with a dude originally from Iowa who had just moved to Memphis from LA. Cool dude, although if I was ever going to make it back to the hotel, I had to get out of there and get some food. BBQ time.

I decided to hit up the landmark restaurant"Charles Vergo's Rendezvous" based on multiple raves. Mind you, I was a little blasted when I ate the meal but I had the same feeling that I had at the Memphis Tigers game..... "OVERRATED". I had the rib plate (dry) and here are my scores: Grub (2 out of 5); Beck (5 out of 5 - awesome space; in true Memphis fashion, a girl named Brandy*** chatted me up throughout my entire meal); Deluise (4 out of 5 - cardiac potential, but not TOO greasy).

Sunday, I played tourist and hit up several Memphis institutions. Among them:

- The National Civil Rights Museum: quick history lesson, MLK Jr was shot in Memphis. How many of you remembered that?! They preserved the facade of the hotel where he was shot and had a museum inside the motel. Really powerful, moving stuff. Thank God we didn't have to grow up in an era where ignorance was even more rampant than it is now.

- The Gibson Guitar Factory Tour: Tour took 10 minutes and cost $10. The tour guide was the son of that guy who talked really fast on the FedEx commercials in the 80s. We got to see first hand why the Chinese will soon be making all of the world's guitars......this model of efficiency puts out a whole 250 guitars a week. Wow!

- Sun Records: This was actually really cool. The spot where Elvis, Johnny Cash (as seen in Walk the Line), Buddy Holly, even U2 recorded a lot of music. It hasn't been updated and still has the same look as the 50s.

- BB King's Blues Bar - saw a Sharon Jones wanna be belt out some tunes while an 85 year old dude wailed away on a guitar that looked like it belonged in a Metallica video.

Capped it all off with a trip to another highly recommended barbeque joint.... Central BBQ. Wow, this was the type of bbq I had been waiting for - I had the combo plate (ribs, pork, turkey, mac & cheese and onion rings). And the scores: Grub (4.5 out of 5 - wow, the turkey was some of the best I have ever had. Would have gotten a 5 if the mac & cheese didn't suck); Beck (4.5 out of 5 - the floors were literally slippery from all the grease.... you can't beat that; only thing keeping it from a 5 were all of the white people all over the place); Deluise (5 out of 5 - I am seriously having chest pains as I type this).

Whew, what an eventful weekend. If you are still reading this, I am shocked and amazed. You should probably get back to work right about........NOW. Next stop for me is Oxford, Mississippi home of the Ole Miss Runnin' Rebs. Peace out.

* This is quite possibly the coolest piece of technology I have purchased since I bought my first phonograph machine. It has already changed my life.

** This is not the actual school mascot, but it might as well be. They suck.

*** This was SERIOUSLY her name. I can't make this stuff up - it's too good! See picture #2..

The Unofficial Official South America Recap

Ah, how time flies when you're having fun......... and not on meth. Our tour of South America is officially over, but the bloggity blogsfive........must.......go........on......... Speaking of fives, I present to you the top five lists compiled on the trip. Enjoy.

Top Five Best Events (in no particular order)
1) Whitewater rafting outside of Cusco
2) The 20 mile hike outside of El Chalten
3) The Cicuito Chico bike ride in Bariloche
4) Clubs in BA - Bahrein and Niceto nightclubs
5) Spa in El Chalten
Honorable mention:
- Chocolate cake at the top of Catedral outside Bariloche
- Machu Picchu/Sacred Valley (would have made top 5 if weather was better)
- Walking on Perito Merino glacier
- Beating up those old people at the senior center in Lima....man they had it coming

Top Five Best Cultural Experiences
1) Watching a cute brother/sister duo dressed in traditional Peruvian clothing doing a song and dance number in Ollantaytambo. They had these 'pained' expressions on their faces, which made them infinitely more adorable than they already were.
2) Tango at the Milonga in BA on New Year's. 65 year olds kickin' it at 5am? Seriously?!
3) Having lunch with a school girl outside Bariloche. She was trying to learn English and although we had only a quick chat, when she left, she sought out all of us in the restaurant to give us a little peck on the cheek (and say goodbye). Precious.
4) The Saturday market in Lima. Chaotic. Tons of short people. Bottles, cans, clap your hands.
5) Dunkin Donuts in downtown Lima. They had these pink donuts with sprinkles on them. You just can't get that anywhere else.

Top Five Best Meals
What makes a great meal? It isn't always JUST about the quality of the food or the level of service. Sometimes it is the people you are with, the frame of mind or the circumstances leading up to the meal, company shared, the amount of wine consumed, etc.
1) BA: Bar Uriarte - Great company, comfy couches, delicious food and wine
2) BA: Green Bamboo - Yummy waitresses, gorgeous Vietnamese food
3) Cusco: Cicciolina - Delicious tapas; the only really GOOD dining experience for us in Cusco
4) BA: Olsen - Not the best brunch in the world, but unlike Morrissey, this place will have you wishing that "Everyday is like Sunday" as you chew on your waffles and sip on Chandon
5) El Chalten: La Cerveceria - Grub food for a brewery and a FUN place to escape the cold
Honorable Mention:
- BA: Casa Cruz - fancy but not too pretentious, felt like a place that Tony Montana (Scarface) would eat
- Lima: Astrid y Gaston - good Peruvian food with an upscale twist
- BA: Bar 6 - they may not have the best steak, but they know how to dress it (mine was dressed in a nice pink blouse)

Top Five Worst Smells (Update)
1) My sneakers after the El Chalten hike (and for the next 3 weeks)
2) El Calafate hostel
3) Aquas Calientes hostel
4) Dog crap on every street and the 'ocean' in BA
5) South American women.....just kidding.....sort of

Top Five Worst Musical Genres (as voted on by MCA and BriJames)
1) Reggaeton - this was popular all throughout the Southland. This genre has ONE drum beat. ONE!!! For an entire genre of music! And it was stuck in our heads the entire trip! Ahhhh!!!! And the fashion (in the videos) is horrible. Take off those f*cking ridiculous ladies sunglasses!!
2) Showtunes - seriously if you like this kind of Celine Dion/Bette Midler crap, we may need to revisit our friendship and discuss where it's going......
3) Tejano - No offense to the Mexican people, but this music is really no bueno. At least it has more than one damn drum beat. Man I hate Reggaeton!!!!
4) New Country - This is Tim McGraw and Trisha Underwood's proudest moment - not finishing in the top 3 on this list.
5) Smooth Jazz - Sadly, John Tesh and Kenny G would be a welcome substitution for any of the genres above.........ESPECIALLY REGGAETON!!!!

Quick stats:
- Trains (2), Planes (8) and Automobiles (57+)
- Number of pieces of poo stepped in: 5
- Most hours slept in one night: 13 (BJ)
- Least hours slept in one night: 1 (Both, BA to Lima)
- Amount of times we feared for our lives: 0

For the legions of fans of the bloggity blogs5, not to fear. You will get your fill of ridiculousness ALL THROUGHOUT THE MONTH OF FEBRUARY. That's right friends, you will get the pleasure of following me to such exciting and glamorous locales as:
Memphis, TN; Oxford, MS; Birmingham, AL; The ATL; Buford, SC; Raleigh, NC; Charlottesville, VA; Morgantown, WV; Columbus, OH; Indianapolis, IN; Chicago, IL; Des Moines, IA

Trip begins this Friday! Sayonara Suckers!!

Mother Nature 1, Team Andrews/Taylor 0

Wednesday, the culmination of our 5 week journey: Machu Picchu (see above for stock photo). Quick history lesson: MP was an Inca village that was abandoned when the Spaniards took over the show in the mid 1500s. It had become overrun by jungle growth and was not re-discovered until 1912 by a dude named Hiram Bircham. He was looking for the lost city of Paititi which according to legend contains several Inca treasures hidden from the Spaniards when they rose to power. Instead he found MP.

After 5 restless hours of sleep at a hostel ranked “#1 Musty Hostel in the World 2001-2006”, we awakened at 5am to the tune of moshi mumblio speak and jumped on ANOTHER bus to get to the entrance of MP. In total, that makes 2 planes, 2 buses, 1 train, 1 rickshaw and a donkey ride. Whew. I guess it could be worse - some hippies hiked the Inca trail in the rain for 4+ days (paying $500+) to get to MP. Yeah, um, no thanks.

We were pretty pumped as we entered the gates, ready to see some of the most spectacular views of our life. Unfortunately when we got into the park, all we could see was…….......... not what you see above. SUCK! It was so foggy it was like being in San Francisco in July. There were brief periods where we were given partial glimpses of what were probably marvelous views on a sunny day.

We were disappointed, but felt like we saw enough of MP and officially got our fill of ruins and the Sacred Valley. Moral of the story sports fans is this: don’t go to MP in the rainy season (try March – August for better viewing).

Right now we are on a train ride back to Cusco. Brianna just had the Peruvian favorite, Inca Cola, which is pee yellow in color and tastes like bubble gum soda. Eeeeeew. Oh jeez, the train stewards just started having a fashion show. Guess what they are trying to sell…… wool sweaters and hats! Ugh. Calgon take me away………….

Ok, so I WAS on a train ride, but couldn’t get this post out until after I returned to the States. I'm BACK! The recap post of the trip will drop on Tuesday. THEN, on to the REAL South America...... the Confederate states.

Humpty said/sang it best, “Do what you like”.

Hey Mister. Take a Picture?

On Monday morning, we caught an early flight to Cusco, a mountain town at an elevation of like 18,000 meters and home to thousands of Peruvians trying to sell you something.

Oxygen…..scarce……typing…….taking…..too….much….energy…..must…...rest…..

We didn’t want to push it too hard on the first day as we seemed to get winded with every step we took, so we did a bus ride/‘city tour’ of ruins and churches in the area. Brianna and I would like to kindly request that 4 hours of our life back, please.

We quickly discovered how well this city is set up for tourists. Advantage: several people speak English. Disadvantage: you can not walk 5 feet without being pestered. If you want a poncho, you have no less than 400 options in a 3 block radius. Looking for a wool sweater or a scary mask with a moutstache (see above)? You’ve come to the right place.

That evening, we had pisco sours and lomito saltado (7 on a scale of 10) at a place called El Meson. In fact, we have had lomito saltado several times and other traditional Peruvian food but none of lives up to the Peruvian food at Limon in SF. Sometimes, you don’t have to go very far to get away.......

Monday was all about white water rafting. It was MASSIVE! So much fun. Rapids were decent (some class 3s, lots of class 4s, some people fell in the water, etc). At the end, 25 of us crammed into a sauna built for about 7 and then had a surprisingly delicious provided lunch. Met a lot of cool people along the way, even a few Australians (thereby officially wrecking my theory that they are all jerks). When we got back to town, we decided to get one hour massages. How much would you be willing to pay for such a service? $149.99? How about $79.99? Well, act today and you can get a Peruvian massage for $6.99. Wow. Not the best massage I have ever had, but $7? Are you kidding me?

Tuesday, we toured the Sacred Valley, which really can’t be described in words, but I’ll try:

“Look at that! That’s awesome!”
“No way, did you see that dude?!”
Several minutes pass
“Hey, look, more ruins”
“Hey, another village of people trying to sell us crap”
Yawn "There is another llama.”
Several minutes pass
“Hey, can you pass me the coca leaf”
Chew, chew
“WOW! What incredible views!”
“Look at all the different colors!”
“I could run a marathon right now!”

Actually the views & ruins at Pisaq and Ollantaytambo were amazing and the coca leaf (yes, the key ingredient of cocaine) does in fact help ease the effects of higher altitude. It also helps you forget all of your problems and helps you become the life of the party and helps you stay awake for 3 days straight….and…..and….and…..

We just arrived in Aquas Calientes via train and we will cap off our 5 week odyssey with a visit to Machu Picchu tomorrow. Then only 3 more days in South America before we embark for the good ole USA.

If there is one thing I have re-learned on this trip, balance is key. Remember that folks and stay sane. Besos.

Toto, we are definitely not in Argentina anymore…..

Ok, so this is definitely a third world nation, BUT the Lonely Planet warnings seem a little exaggerated. Although we spent only 24 hours in Lima, we never felt unsafe. Might be because we stayed in the ‘nicer’ part of Lima, the San Isidiro neighborhood (compares to the sketchier parts of Oakland, CA).

Our first day in Lima, we hit Plaza Mayo, the main square in downtown Lima. The colonial-style government buildings were in great shape (especially compared to the graffiti-littered government buildings in BA, a city that is supposedly “so sophisticated”). Would-be-thugs were probably intimidated by the tanks marked “Asalto” and manned by a solider with his finger on the trigger of a machine gun. No seriously. Make the wrong move and you’ll get gunned down.

Next interesting observation – American chains have a big presence in Lima. You can eat at one of the many KFC or Pizza Hut locations, have your Starbucks, eat some McDonald’s and even get some jalapeno poppers at Chili’s or TGIFriday’s. Huge difference from BA where besides a few Burger King and Blockbuster stores, American crap chains were relatively nonexistent. Well, except for McDonald’s which is on every other block in every city in the world……

After a trip down the Fisherman Wharf-like strip of tourist shops, we stumbled upon a local market that was total chaos. Hundreds of vendors selling pots, pans, food, small children, etc. Kind of like the Crenshaw Swap Meet, except manned by midgets. Speaking of short people, Brianna and I feel like giants here – people stare, point fingers…. one kid yelled Godzilla and started running the opposite way. It’s pretty great.

We also stumbled onto Chinatown. We saw Chinese statues, Chinese restaurants, Chinese decorations. There was just one thing missing………….Chinese PEOPLE. What? It was like someone went through with a magic wand and turned all of the Chinese people into Peruvians. Interesting.

After an obligatory 4 hours of touristy stuff, we headed back to the ‘hood where we had a really authentic Peruvian dinner…..pizza. Considering we got only one hour of sleep the night before (hey, we HAD to go out to the clubs on our last night in BA right?), it was a pretty productive day. Next stop: Cusco

Buenos Aires, Round Dos

Our second tour of Buenos Aires has been on the ‘chill’ tip. Brianna and I quickly got back into our routine of staying up late, sleeping in, eating lunch, hitting the pool, running, eating dinner, going out, repeat.

We had a relative coup at the local Disco on Monday (this is one of the grocery chains here). We found great produce, healthy bread and get this…..PEANUT BUTTER (this is a tough find out of the states). This has enabled us to 1) get some fiber in our diet; 2) avoid eating beef and white bread for breakfast and 3) watch several episodes of Los Simpson dubbed in Spanish. We love the Disco!

Since we have not done much in the exploration department, I will report on the MANY restaurants we have tried in our second tour (all in Palermo Soho/Hollywood):

Green Bamboo – Who knew you could get good Vietnamese food in BA? Brianna had a chicken dish and I had fish and even the dessert was awesome. As a side note, the waitresses at this place are gorgeous.
Xalapa – Jonesing for Mexican food, we made a return to this spot. This time we sat inside and the experience was not nearly as rewarding as the first. The food was still good, but doesn’t hold a candle to the real deal.
Rave – We both had pasta in very heavy sauces. It’s more about sitting outside and checking out folks strolling by….. and seeing if the cop stationed at the corner is going to shoot anyone.
Casa Cruz - This is THE see and be seen place where the beautiful people dine. By far our fanciest and most expensive meal (still under USD$100 for 2). Nice space, tasty food.
Mark’s – Great lunch space with sandwiches and salads – very fresh ingredients. We sat next to a bonafide TV celebrity………….in Australia. Chris Taylor of the Daily Show-style Aussie comedy “The Chaser’s War on Everything” sat right next to us. You can take pictures of the hand I used to shake his when I get back!!!!! Actually, he was a really nice dude and had a beautiful girlfriend that looked like a young Naomi Watts.
Bar 6 – Although I had read mixed reviews, we really enjoyed our meal here. Not the best cut of meat, but the best preparation of steak I had in BA. Brianna had a wok chicken/vegetable combo that was delicious.
Cafe Tortoni - Ok, this is not a restaurant, but a cafe that has been around since 1858. Avoid at all costs - this is a tourist trap and there is absolutely nothing special about it.... there was very sleepy dog outside when we were there (see above).
Mott – Tries too hard, we were not blown away by anything we ordered here. Certainly nothing to write home about. Or if you did write home, it would go something like this:

Dear Mom and Dad,
Just wanted to let you know that I had a mediocre meal at this place called Mott. If you are ever in Buenos Aires, I would recommend that you eat dinner somewhere else. If you are forced to eat at Mott, maybe you should just go for the apple crumble, which ironically (for a place called Mott… you know, the applesauce?), is pretty good.

Your loving son,
Michael

After 16 days spent in BA, we are definitely ready for Peru. The Lonely Planet book does a wonderful job of getting one excited about the country. A few snippets:
“While you are unlikely to be physically hurt, travelers do regularly have their belongings stolen and muggings can happen”
“Taxis don’t have meters. You will need to negotiate the fare with them….foreigners will pay more”
“You will likely obtain an infections disease while in Peru. This is normal and you should see symptoms dissipate after 6-9 months”

Awesome. Looking forward to that. Stay sexy.

Brazil doesn’t take American Express

After a crazy night out on Saturday night in BA that ended at 7am (went to a dance club called Bahrein that was really fun/smoky/lite-brite(y)/etc), Brianna and I sleepily headed to the airport on Sunday for our flight to Brazil. At check-in, we found out that you need a VISA to get into Brazil*.

MCA: “Ok, great here is my Visa Card.”
Check-in lady: “Um, not that kind of visa”
MCA: “Oh, yeah, we don’t need a visa. We’re not going to work in Brazil, we’re just going for a week”
CIL: “Yeah, you still need a visa.”
MCA: “You need a visa just to get into the country?!?!”
CIL: “Yes”
MCA: (muttered under breath) “$@(%^&)(#////1”

Yeah. Welcome to Suckville, population: you.

Grabbed a cab back to our hotel. Was one of those cab rides where you see your whole life flash in front of you….you know the type…. where the cab driver is driving as fast as his held-together-by-duck-tape car will go, all the while turning around to talk to you the whole time trying to tell you in broken English how he used to play baseball and all you can think about is, "how do I say shut the f*ck up and look at the road" in Spanish?

After a chat with the front desk of our hotel, I thought getting a visa would be as easy as going down to the Brazilian consulate the next morning, filling out the paperwork, getting our visas and getting on a plane that evening*. Yeah. Um, NO. Here are the things you need to get a visa to get into Brazil:
- A roundtrip ticket or proof of inward and outward travel (printed off)
- Contact information in Brazil & in the country you are departing from (in our case, Argentina)
- Passport, valid for six months at least (obviously)
- Passport size photo (whatever that means)
- Copy of your credit card and a copy of your most 3! most recent bank statements (HUH?!)
- 14 toothpicks
- A case of pudding
- Michael McDonald Greatest Hits CD
- A ‘clean’ metal spatula

If you have all this, they take your passport and tell you it will take 3-10 days to process. Needless to say, we didn’t have 3-5 days, as we had planned to be in Peru in 7 days! SO, back to the drawing board. We spent nearly all day Monday changing reservations and trying to figure out what we were going to do for the week.

Dejected that we were not going to get to go to Rio, we thought we would try to ease the pain by hitting the beaches in Uruguay (Punta del Este) or in Argentina (Mar del Plata). But tons of locals we talked to said that the beaches were pretty weak (Mar del Plata sounded like Daytona Beach). So, we decided to get a really phat apartment and stay for the week in the Soho district in Buenos Aires. Our place is super modern, has a pool and it is good to be back in a cool ‘hood (Hotel PanAmericano was great but the location was next to the really touristy stuff). Only drawback is that we didn't every get the internet (as promised) in the apartment. Hence why this post took forever to get out. Keep on keepin’ on peeps.

* Apparently OUR government requires Brazilians entering the US to have a visa and this was Brazils retort. SO, we can’t even really be mad at the Brazillian government. I’m going to naively blame he whole thing on W.

** I also thought that Brianna and I would also be able to develop a cure for cancer that evening in our free time.

Yeah, we're moving on up.... to the East Siiiiiiide

Wow, what a different experience the last couple of days have been.

We woke up on our last day in El Calafate and had one of those, 'our flight leaves at 8pm tonight and we have nothing to do for the next 10 hours in this crap town' kind of moments. Luckily (or maybe it was fate? or maybe divine intervention? or maybe the work of Al Qaeda?), we stumbled upon an absolute oasis - the Humus Spa (part of the Hotel Posada Los Alamos). After a long hike and 3 nights of restless sleep we decided we should treat ourselves. Although the massages were not that wonderful (downright mediocre), it didn't matter. We had a great day - got our work out on, got our pool and hot tub on (yeah - nice!). Awesome.

The day just kept getting better. We got to fly FIRST CLASS back to BA. No WONDER the flight was so expensive! This was a first for both Brianna and myself and I can safely say that it is going to be hard to go back to peasant class. The meal we had was actually decent and we got to use real silverware?! Although we didn't get to our hotel until 1am, we were EXTREMELY pleased when we got to our room.

This place is awesome!!! Our room is HUGE and we have a view of the Obelisk and the famous Teatro Colon, which are right across the street - we're staying on '9 de Julio', which is the largest street in all of Argentina - 14+ lanes! The cherry on the top is the pool and gym on the 23rd floor. The views are pretty wonderful.

On our second tour of BA, we have eaten sushi at SushiClub (yum - NO BEEF for a whole day!), had dinner with our friend Gloria at a trendy bar/restaurant called Gran Bar Danzon (food was ok, but the dulce de leche souffle and ice cream were incredible), had drinks at this really cool bar called Milion which is situated in a refurbished 3 story colonial home, AND planned the logistics for the rest of the trip (this took the better part of yesterday)

We are headed to Rio tomorrow for 6 days and then on to Peru/Machu Picchu for the last week of our trip. As we bid Argentina adieu, I present to you the 5 worse smells we encountered:
1) Our room at the Hostel del Glaciar in El Calafate
2) The water surrounding BA (Puerto Madero, La Boca)
3) The dead llama smell at the restaurant/stop between El Calafate and El Chalten (a dog was gnawing on an uncooked leg portion)
4) The Zoo (we ran by here everyday when staying in Palermo)
5) Our bathroom every morning..... remember the commercials, 'beef does a body good'? I am going to have to disagree with that.

Also, 5 random/quirky things about Argentina
a) When you want a drink, you have to first go to the cashier and THEN stand in line and hand your ticket to a bartender (this happens at ice cream places too) - think Soviet Union circa 1985
b) Then when you order a drink, lets say vodka and red bull, you get a glass with vodka in it and a whole can of red bull (unmixed)
c) Everything is in what they call the 'metric' system. I have never heard of this, but it seems very confusing.
d) This is more of a BA thing, but the double l is pronounced 'zh' instead of 'yuh'. We confused more than one cab driver with our pronunciation of 'Callao'.
e) All of the above

The answer is e). Overall, we had a great time. The people have been extremely friendly and tolerant of 2 English-only speaking gringos. Adios to the land of Evita...

El Calafate… a dusty, dumpy town near a big ass glacier

WOW. For the first time on the trip, we officially heard the record player screech to a halt. You know, like when you walk into a Mexican bar and you are the only gringo and everybody’s like, ‘what the f*ck is he doing here?’

We arrived Saturday in El Calafate, a dirty town in the middle of nowhere and a stark contrast to the green lush beauty of Bariloche. After driving down a dirty road and several trailer park style houses, we arrived at our hostel, Hostal del Glaciar Pioneros. First, they screwed up our reservation – put us in a dorm (ok, I am DEFINITELY too old for that). After I argued with them for awhile, we finally got our room. Ah, how I love the smell of mold in the summer. Blargh. And, as we tried to sleep the next morning, we heard cleaning ladies, people walking down the wooden staircase (they say location is everything?), even a few dogs that sounded like they were dying of hunger… not exactly the Ritz Carlton. There are about 4 blocks downtown that are dressed up pretty nice, but otherwise this town is a heap full of old tourists.

We decided to take a painful 4 hour bus ride to El Chalten on Sunday, an even smaller town, but with great views of two mountains, Fitz Roy and Cerro Torre. El Chalten was amazing! Lots of charm. It also is a pretty dirty town as there are no paved roads yet, but the hostel we stayed at was great, the brewery next door was amazing (food and beer) and the views on our 8 hour, 20 mile (no exaggeration!) hike on Monday were stupid. So many great trails in the area. Although we had to battle winds of 40+mph, it stayed sunny all day….and all night. We are so far south that it stays light until 11:30pm!!!! So incredible!

Today we went to the Perito Merino glacier. We got to hike on the glacier for a couple hours and the hike ended with some whiskey and alfajores on the ice! Also saw huge chunks of ice fall into the lake (this is pretty much all you do at the glacier, other than making fun of old people).

Brianna and I are so tired of eating the same 5 foods and are eager to get back to the city (BA) where we will spend 4 more days. Small change in plans after that…. we are headed to Brazil for a week! Brasil, Brasil, Brasil, Brasil. Too bad we will miss Carnivale by 3 weeks!

Sorry for the delay in posts… El Calafate did not have anything but dial up internet - Dark Ages!!!

Bariloche es muy bueno y mumblio enchiladas....

So much for the posts every couple of days - it has been a busy week! I'm going to try to be a little more diligent in the future.

Brianna and I left the sweltering heat of BA (95 degrees when we left and a heat index of like 350 degrees) and arrived in a small Swiss influenced mountain village called Bariloche. The 'get out in nature and bike/hike/kayak/river raft' portion of our trip was officially underway.

The area surrounding the town is INCREDIBLY beautiful - surrounded by lakes and totally green (pictures to be uploaded at future date - current connection horrible!).

Even though I was pretty sure that I was too old to stay in a hostel, my friend Miriam, Brianna and I decided to book a room at the luxurious MarcoPolo Inn. I haven't really talked about it too much, but everything is dirt cheap down here. It is amazing. Our hostel is not an exception. It's actually pretty nice/clean/free of rats/fun and is $15 per person per night with free breakfast AND dinner. We decided to hit up the free dinner the first night - here is a summary of the contents:
1) One scoop of gruel - I think it was a rice and potato dish? The sauce was kind of a reddish/gray color
2) White bread, one pad of butter
3) Tap water
I had better meals when I was in prison. Needless to say, we ate out most nights in Bariloche.

On Wednesday, we woke up at 7:30am (this is the time that we had been going to SLEEP the previous 7 days) and embarked on our first outdoor/get active activity. Unfortunately for us the weather was extremely sucky. Rainy, cold, it even snowed for about 30 seconds in the morning. YEAH! Totally unprepared for that, as it is SUPPOSED to be in the 70s this time of year. All that said, the hike that we did (ok, it was more of a bus tour) was amazing. We saw the Tronador glaciar (surrounded by no less than 50 waterfalls! FIFTY!) and a couple of other waterfalls up close. Truly incredible. Brianna was mistaken for a movie star for the third time on the trip - one of the Argentinian girls on the trip thought he looked like Tom Green. SWEDISH.

At dinner that evening with our friends Marcel and Lindsey, Miriam was serenaded by a cheesy Argentinian lounge singer. Think Engelbert Humperdink meets Los Lobos. This guy quickly became my hero and my second favorite lounge singer of all time (behind the venerable Michael Parrish, of course).

The next day we rented mountain bikes and rode the Circuito Chico (about 35 kms total). If you are ever in Bariloche, I would highly recommend doing this – get your bikes at Hostel Campanillo. The people are SO nice/cool and after your ride you can warm up by the fireplace, eat delicious snacks and even play the guitar/ping pong/pin the tail on the donkey. The ride had several ridiculous views of the many lakes that surround the area and the Llao Llao golf resort is also on the path. We froze our ass*s off at times, but only got rained on for about 15 minutes. Again, where is the summer weather?!?!? We also spied lots of younger children on the trip and have now determined that if you are male and want to be cool, there are some age group differences:

Ages 7-12: Must wear a beret
Ages 13-45: Must have a mullet

On Friday, we were going to either kayak or do white water rafting, but it was still too cold. Instead, we decided to hike Cerro Catedral…….which we found out is essentially a ski resort…. um, yeah…… so we pretty much walked up a black diamond trail the whole way to the top (1000 meters of climbing). Kind of a crazy (ie stupido) thing to do, but the feeling of accomplishment and the vistas at the top were ‘breathtaking’ and/or ‘much better than CATS’. Even better was the chocolate cake we had at the lodge!

That night (and the night before) we had Italian food/pizza at Ristorante Brava – yum!

Speaking of food, here are some observations on our trip thus far:

• Nearly every restaurant has the same items on their menu
• Beef
• Pasta
• Empanadas
• Ham sandwiches
• Ethnic food is relatively non-existant – although B&I did have one ‘Mexican’ meal in BA that was really delicious (Xalapa)
• Healthy eating not necessarily a concept that has made it to Argentina. Fibrous foods would be great right about…… NOW.
• American brands have weird flavors in Argentina. Examples:
• Gatorade - Green apple protein
• Lays Potato Chips – Ham flavored
• Certs Breath Mints - Chorizo flavored (ok, maybe not)
• Standout items thus far: Steak (of course), gnocchi (which Miriam consumed at nearly every meal), and dulce de leche in MANY different forms
• Quilmes beer is EVERYWHERE (think Budweiser with a different label)

Brianna and I are now sitting in the airport waiting for our flight to El Calafate where we will see huge glaciers and more natural beauty and stuff. We are sad as we just had to bid adieu to the third point of the ‘triangle’ the past few days, Miriam. We will miss her energy, humor, spirit and…………. her ability to speak Spanish! Back to being treated like gringos everywhere we go!!! Ciao for now.

NO.....SLEEP...... 'TIL.....BA

Ok, I've said it before and I'll say it again, this city never sleeps. Brianna and I have been out every night except for one and have progressively stayed out later. Unlike the rest of BA, however, we like to get our sleep on. We have only been up once before 3pm this whole trip - luckily it stays light until 10! There isn't a whole lot of incentive to wake up too early, as you can hit the main sites in BA in the first 2 days.

On Thursday night, we had a delicious dinner with my friend Miriam at Bar Uriarte and then hit up a cool (rockabilly?!) club called Mundo Bizzaro - it definitely felt like a night out in San Francisco. See above - b&m dressed as twins that night. HOTT!!! Highlight was the candy girl who was trying to sell lighted knickknacks. She was at least EIGHTY years old (and I'm being generous here). Also, there was a couple who made out (standing up the whole time, nonetheless) for at least an hour and a half straight IN THE BAR. Earlier in the evening, two different couples were spied accosting each other in very public places. Needless to say, PDA is a national pastime here.

Brianna and I hit up a fun dance club called Kika the next night and danced until the sun came up. Music mix was pretty decent and there were several dudes with mullets (which means this is where the cool kids and cute chicas hang out).

Last night, after a very yummy Italian dinner (gnocchi!) at Sotto Voce with 10 folks, B&I hit up a different club called Honduras and it felt like we were in a completely different world. Not sure if there are any bridges or tunnels that lead to BA, but if so, this bar's clientele would best be described as 'b&t'. Brianna said it best, "If that is what the country of Honduras is like, I don't ever need to visit Honduras".

They say Sunday brunch at Olsen in Palermo Hollywood is a must. I agree. Yum. Cute waitresses, great patio, lots of fun boys, delicious Norwegian food. WAFFLES with no beef added!!!!!

Here are some other random observances from our time in BA:
- Dogs can crap pretty much anywhere they want - no rules here about picking it up
- Red lights mean stop...... or maybe go..... depends on your mood
- Taxi cabs don't turn their lights on and rely on the city lights (and Jebus) for guidance
- If you want the best service in town, head to the McDonald's on Scalabrini Ortiz at 5am. Ask for Maria. Note: eating at McD's can cause a serious case of what the locals call McDiarrea.

Ciao for now. Next post will come from Patagonia. Hope everyone has a nice work week. GOAL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mullets galore

Yes, BA is sophisticated for South America and yes, it is kind of like Paris..... a very DIRTY Paris (see above). This is the scene at a port right next to a relatively tourist area. And the smoke that the buses emit is unbelievable - I think I might now have the black lung. It's disgusting enough to drive a hybrid owner to say "F*ck it, if this is how the environment is being treated outside the US, I'm getting an SUV".

But more importantly friends, the mullet has made a return.... to the land down under.... where they no speaky American. Oh my gosh, there are a lot of chicas and chicos with mullets here in BA. We've seen the minitruck mullet, the femmemullet, several meximullets and even a rastamullet today. These kids would fit in well in Missouri.

Today we made plans for our Patagonia trip. There are only a few local airlines that fly within the country, so we booked tickets with Aerolinas Argentinas. They have a real convenient system where you book your ticket online and then have to go to their sales office downtown and wait for an hour before getting to pay someone (that also takes nearly an hour). The Swiss could learn from this extreme efficiency.

Brianna and I have learned very little Spanish, but we do at least know what Lil Jon would say if he were here:
"Queeeeeee"
"Esta bieeeeeeeeeeeeeeeen"
"Siiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii"
"Como"

Also, we learned that the Spanish word for diarreah is diarrea. Hasn't struck yet, but always good to know.

In tribute to all of the Argentinian teenagers out there. Ciao for now. Time for dinner (10:30).

Feliz Ano!

Buenos dias amigos from Buenos Aires!!!

After a long flight Brianna (my bro) and I spent the first couple of days getting situated in our apartment (awesome location) and catching up on some zs. No matter how hard you try, when you are 6'5" and sitting in peasant class, it is impossible to sleep. Brianna and I each watched 3 movies and played poker /trivia for most of the flight against the rest of the plane.

Buenos Aires is AMAZING so far. A couple of initial observations:
1) VERY European - tree lined streets, piazzas like Italy, lots of McDonald's everywhere
2) People always say it's the Paris of South America and I have to agree..... no one speaks English (or if they do, they pretend like they don't). And their accents make it extremely difficult to understand even basic Spanish words. Brianna and I have been STRUGGLING. Here was our first meal experience:
Miguel: "Uno burrito y uno pizza, por favor" (translation: I would like a burrito and a pizza, please)
Waiter: "Mumblio Mumblio Mumblio (I don't understand what you are saying, you stupid gringo.... or something like that)
Miguel: (Points at menu): "Uno burrito y uno pizza, por favor"
Waiter: (Said EXACTLY as I said it): "Ah, si, uno burrito y uno pizza. Mumblio mumblio mumblio mumblio."
Miguel: Si
45 minutes later, we got the pizza. After about an hour and a half, the burrito still hadn't arrived. Awesome - we had to ask for it again. This time they brought us a live donkey (ok, maybe not).

Spent New Year's with my friend Miriam and her friends Marcel and Lindsey. They are staying in this phat apartment in the Congressi district that makes our place look like a rescue shelter. We had a meal at their house - arrived an hour and a half late.... apparently BA had a daylight savings time change for like the first time ever the night we arrived. Luckily, no one told us. So, we ended up counting down the New Year's at the house. We had some drinks at a bar in Palermo Soho (the neighborhood we are staying in....it's named after NYC's Soho... no Houston street here though) and ended up at a Tango club. It was a trip! These old dudes (one guy looked like Dean Martin, another like the fat version of Marlon Brando, and, to top it off, Phil Donahue was in attendance) were totally picking up young, hot ladies. Needless to say, Brianna and I spent our time on the sidelines, but it was a crazy experience nonetheless.

They say this is the city that never sleeps. At 6am, we were walking home and stumbled across a street party. It was amazing and more representative of a traditional NYE celebration.

Ok, time to wake up my brother, it's 5:17pm. Hope everyone had a great new year! Check back periodically for updates. I'll post pics when we get them loaded. Stay golden.

It's Cold Outside......It Gets So Hot In Here.....

It was raining this white stuff that looked like cocaine in the land of Oz today. Had like the biggest "snow" in probably 100 years or something*. I drove to the gym (which is 9 blocks from my mom's house and promptly closed 30 minutes after I got there) and saw the following:

1) A car in the ditch

2) 3 cars stuck on a small hill

3) The Pizza Hut delivery guy

4) God...... ok, maybe not, but for a second there I couldn't really see anything because of the snow and thought that I was going to die.

It's crazy....... and a reminder as to why I live in San Francisco. I mean, sure the snow is fun and you can go sledding and make snowmen and stuff. That's all kinds of fun for like 1 hour. Then, it just becomes a pain - my Kansas City plans got cancelled tonight, boo.

When you are trapped inside at the Andrews/Taylor household and get tired of watching cable, the games usually break out. A fun game that we play every year is Dare or Dare, our version of Truth or Dare, where the Dares get harder until someone gets hurt. My sister Allison 'won' this round (see above).

Hope everyone has a safe and happy holiday season and doesn't get stuck in the airport like my sister Jennifer did today for 9 hours. Ho Ho Ho, Hoes.

Site of the Day: Are you tired of Christians? Well, finally, YOU have a holiday where you can celebrate your hatred of them!**

* Not confirmed as of press time. In fact, it probably was the 418th biggest snow ever, but still impressive.

** Don't worry, I'm not going to discuss religion and politics in this blog. I just thought the origination of the holiday was pretty ridiculous.

Blogging is for bloggers

Seriously, who has the time to blog? Better yet, why would anyone CHOOSE to spend the time necessary to maintain such ridiculousness? These are questions I asked myself on a daily basis (along with other important questions like "what is the meaning of life" and "WOULD I like fries with that"). And then.......... I quit my job. sound church bells here All of a sudden, I had 50 more hours in my week. Thus far, I have been able to fill up nearly 48.7 of those, leaving 1.3 hours per week for blogging. The following is the first 1.3 hour installment.

First topic: the name of the blog. It's pretty simple really. I wanted bloggity blog blog, because my crack team of researchers deemed that this was the pinnacle of creativity and humor. The pinnacle. The "Michael Jordan" of blog names, so to speak. Unfortunately for me, some "genius" had already secured bloggity blog blog. This same "genius" is some british chick who was trying to date some guy online and lose weight in 2004 by simply avoiding McDonald's. Sigh. She probably has bad teeth too. Seriously, if you want to waste 15 MORE minutes of your time, you should give her blog a read. And then remember that you're NEVER GOING TO GET THAT 15 MINUTES BACK. Not to be deterred by this bird, I decided to go back to the drawing board. That's when I came up with, get this, bloggity blog blog BLOG. That's right 3 blogs. Another jerk had secured that.....and 4 blogs was taken as well. Thus, I settled on bloggity blog blog blog blog blog. 5 blogs. 5 is a very lucky number and also that of George Brett, third basemen for the Kansas City Royals when they actually had a chance of finishing anything other than last place. For the record, this is where I was going to stop, because seriously, bloggity blog blog blog blog blog blog is just stupid.

Here are the comments I have received thus far:

"How many blogs was that again?"

"That is not funny, nor creative. You should change that right now."

"It's too long, I'll never remember it"

"Who are you and how did you get into my house?"

Here is what I have to say to all of the detractors out there:

"I don't care what you think"

"5 out of 5 dentists approve 5 blogs after bloggity"

"Your mom seemed to like the idea last night....when we were in bed - tell her I said hi"

"It was either this or douche bag gremlins"

Second topic: the reason I am starting the blog. I have been doing the googles and also running the internets for awhile, but the kids kept talking about these blogs. Blog this and blog that. I met this girl and she's got a nice set of blogs. My dad had to go in for blog surgery and the blogger totally blogged it up. Papa Blog just blogged Bloggette and Brainy Blog blogged the whole thing on the blog. etc.

So, yeah...... what was the topic again....... oh yeah, this blog is NOT without purpose. I am embarking on a journey to the 'other' America... the one where they don't speak American. Headed to Argentina for 3 weeks and Peru for 2 weeks. Yea.

When I return to the states I will be headed to the 'Confederate' America..... more specifically, Georgia, Mississippi and a bunch of other states where I will likely be tried for being a sympathizer...... that is unless I can make it to the county line in the ole General Lee.

Excitement abounds friends. I wish I could take all of you with me, but alas, you will at least have this blog to read and see what you are missing out on.

Third topic: bloggity blog blog blog blog blog rules.

1) No touching or bullying

2) There is a chance that you may be offended by something you read. If this happens, please contact customer support at maybeineedtobelessuptight@yahoo.com or perhapsishouldtakethingslessliterally@gmail.com

3) Responses are encouraged and will likely be praised and/or ignored

4) Every blog entry will end with a motivational message and/or a featured website of the day

Happy reading folks and don't forget to "keep....... looking....... up". Horkheimer rules!!!!