So if you're anything like me, starting in early December you start to get a steady stream of holiday cards from your friends. You know what I'm talking about. The JC Penney's portrait, with the family wearing matching sweaters. And one of the kids crying. Or not paying attention. Or staring at anything BUT the camera. And of course, with an adjoining heartfelt (aka cheesy) message. Actually, most of you probably sent one of these cards this year and I understand that this is what you have been trained to do.But I have always wondered what a single guy who has no kids (none proven anyway) is supposed to do to spread HIS holiday cheer?
Well, a few years ago, I came up with a concept and an annual tradition began. Here is how it all got started, gotta love that Jay Leno-like chin........The next year was an instant classic.... wish I had the message that went along with this treasure. This one was my personal favorite (I WONDER WHY?!) - see message below. I can't believe how incredible handsome my wife is........MessageFriends, family, I hope this Christmas card reaches you all safely and soundly. This past year was a great year for the Andrews Family. As many of you know, I was recently promoted at the plant. I am now a Poultry Gender Identification Specialist. The work is challenging, but riveting.Michelle is still working at Wal-Mart part-time and enjoying her activities (knitting, gun club, etc). Michael Jr. started pre-school and is already showing some pretty good basketball skills. In his first game, he had 16 points and 12 rebounds. Not bad for a 4 year old!We were also blessed with the birth of our second child this year, Michaela. She is an absolute treasure. Everyone tells us how much she looks like her father! I hope you have a wonderful holiday season with you and yours. God Bless.And finally, one more 'unreleased' photo. My creativity was tapped, or so I thought. After finishing it, I decided it wasn't funny enough to release.......BUT, after a brief hiatus, the Andrews Family Christmas card is BACK in full effect. Enjoy the holidays y'all! Props to one Brianna James Taylor for help with the execution on this one.MessageSeason greetings, family and friends. I thought I'd drop a line to wish you all good tidings. While it has been a challenging year, what with the recession and all, the Andrews family continues to move forward with fortitude.After years as a blacksmith, I have decided to try my hand at a completely new trade. I opened a buggy repair shop on Walnut and Main. My wife Gertrude tells me that it is a risky proposition seeing as how everyone is shifting to motor cars, but I say horsefeathers! I think we all know these new fangled motor cars are just a fad and will go the way of the................what's that old saying again?*John Jr. continues his rise in the burgeoning railroad industry. He and his wife Ethel welcomed their 5th son into the world this year, little Pip. My son Walter got a job at a printing press and married young Mildred, of the McCormick clan. They are quite the handsome couple! Charlotte is at university studying home economics, and young Elmer continues to deliver ice for ole Mr. Henderson. We are truly blessed with a healthy, happy family.Enjoy the photo of the Andrews family included herewith, compliments of my friend Sir James Olan Mills. My sincere wishes for a fantastic next decade for you and yours. So long to the nots!John Michael Andrews* Actually I just remembered, the saying is go the way of the 'horse and buggy'... horsefeathers.** For past Andrews Family holiday cards, check out www.bloggityblogblogblogblogblog.blogspot.com
Every year, there is one thing that is guaranteed to bring the Bloggity Blogs 5 staff out of semi-retirement. One day, that is more important than all others. And no, it’s not Flag Day, it’s Halloween!
BB5 linked up with the same company that has produced such classic Halloween extravaganzas as "A Nightmare on Mission Street", "The Simpson's Tree House of Whores", "Pee Wee's HellHouse" and last year’s epic “Deep Thoughts, a Saturday Night Spooktacular”.
This year’s gala event, “Silly Rabbit, Trix (or Treats) are for Kids” featured the scandalous and sensational theme “dress as your favorite breakfast cereal box character”. Froot Loops, Boo Berry, Lucky Charms, Cookie Crisp, can anyone say yum? Of course, what makes these cereals delicious is 1) the fact that most of our parents didn’t let us eat them growing up and 2) sugar and/or crack. Enough of the jibba jabba, on to the annual Best Costume/Etc awards!!!
Best Individual Costume: Wheaties/Michael Phelps (Greg) Yes, there were lots of Wheaties costumes. But only one man was willing to get down into his speedo and show off his six (ok, more like three) pack for the event. Also, if you look at the box closely, you can see a picture of Phelps hitting the bong.... which of course leads to a case of the munchies.... which ultimately leads back to eating Wheaties. Brilliant thinking and show, sir. Best Team Costume: Frankenberry and Milk Carton (Franken & 2%) This was a tough one as several team costumes really kicked butt. But, the fact that Georgia "Franken" Frailey actually dressed as her namesake and was able to convince her dude to spend 3 hours assembling a milk carton pushed them over the edge. Scariest Costume: Lucky (Mark) I don’t know why, but when I pictured the human version of the Lucky Charms leprechaun, it certainly did not look like this. Maybe it is because Mark (aka El Diablo) is much larger than the character or maybe it is the scary wig he has on. Whatever the case, the bb5 staff loves you El D and next year recommends wearing a costume that doesn't make you look like a blackjack dealer at O'Shea's in Vegas. Most Repeated Costume: Snap, Crackle and Pop (too many to name) What proved to be the ‘Where’s Waldo’ costume of 2009, an army of Rice Krispies devotees created made a lot of noise at the party. Never has a repeated costume been so beloved. Best “You’re an eeg, you’re a bad eeg” Costume: Eeg (Dina) While not technically in the breakfast cereal category, this other "important part of this complete breakfast" was an impressive costume. I think Dina should consider quitting her day job and becoming a costume maker….or a nuclear physicist or something. Hell, with skills like this, she can do anything she wants. For some reason, I couldn’t quit thinking about this scene from Flight of the Conchordes every time I saw Dina.
Best “Cartwheel Off”: Mary Lou Retton #1 vs. Mary Lou Retton #2 (Alicia vs. Tina) First off, how AWESOME is it that there were, not one, but TWO Mary Lou’s? Second, how AWESOME is it that someone actually convinced them that a ‘cartwheel off’ was a good idea? From the looks of this video, it is pretty obvious that Alcohol + Cartwheels = Bad Idea. See the video here. Best Rice Krispie Treats Made: Snap(Isabel) Snap filled me in on her secret recipe …...….’use DOUBLE the butter and more marshmallows than the recipe calls for’. Man, why didn't I think of that? Probably because I am not a doctor....
Best of the Rest: Seriously, I was blown away by the participation this year. Y’all outdid yourselves......
Here the "Honey Nut Cheerios bee meets John Belushi" dips his stinger in the Froot Loops. Eew.Was the cereal aLPHAbits or aFRObits?Hey, we had to have at least ONE cereal killer, right? Thank you Swannie for not dressing as the guy from the Hangover. Lookin' good!The Cookie Crisp burgulars would have made away with batches of cookies from the party if it hadn't been for that one cop. For the record, it IS possible to dress up as a Lucky Charms leprechaun and not scare children....
The sun from Raisin Bran was there showering people with love.....and raisins.
Grandma showed up with her box of Kashi - she says 'it's good for your bowels!'
All in all, a great evening. For more pictures go here. And if you took photos, please add them to the link! Comments on awards? Protests?
In what has become somewhat of a birthday tradition, the Great Mustachio (TM) made a guest appearance in the Mission this past Saturday night. It was a bittersweet celebration due to developments earlier in the day, but the good folks at Casanova made sure that any negative thoughts were quickly (and I mean quickly) erased. A very fun evening that spiraled out of control, in true MCA BDay fashion.
The beginning of the night started off innocent enough..... Smiles were happening everywhere..... Bradshaw was "just bein' Bradshaw"...... Even the twins we're having a good time! But then something happened....
And things started to get more serious.....
And then the Revolutionary War jokes started flying.....c'mon Lyle, we all know Nerina is still pissed about losing! The only way to lighten this evening up was to............dance with random girls at the Double D!
Remember ladies, don't forget to have a full stomach before heading to a party with some random Irish guys at 3am....... And never trust a guy in a fedora who tries to pick you up in a pizza place - nice skepticism Jess....
And whatever you do, never EVER get into a cab with THIS guy.......
Thanks all for a fun night! And props to KDogg for his Sean Penn impersonation - he somehow avoided the camera the entire night. Nice work, jerk.
Enough, already. I know. You love the bloggity blogs 5 and come to rely on the up-to-the-minute (ok, month) worthless news that it provides. But then it disappears on you for 3 months. And you get sad. And you start to question everything and start getting super depressed and stuff. And just when you get near the end of your rope……….it happens. Another post on the bb5. And you read it. And you laugh. And you're back to that happy place. The one where screaming kids don’t exist. Nor does that pesky heroin addiction. You're back. Well friends, a lot has happened in the past 3 months, all of which will be shared in excruciating detail.
First stop – my trip to Sicily. Known in some circles as the ‘Mexico of Italy’, Sicily is not as ‘dangerous’ as people say it is. In fact, I would estimate that probably only 40-50% of people who live there are actually in the Mafia. The people in Sicily are quite friendly and with a less corrupt government, this place could easily become the ‘Costa Rica of Italy’. Here are some of the highlights from the trip:
- Pizza and arincini (fried rice/cheese/meat balls - how could this NOT be good?) at a restorante
- Touring the family plant where they package delicious, smelly anchovies
- Dinner at the campagna (country house) with a big Italian family. The ladies made homemade Sicilian style pizza in 5 different flavors and the guys sat around the table discussing who they were going to whack next (or at least that's what I think they were talking about).
- Taormina: this place was way too fancy to be in Sicily. Perched on top of a hill with crazy, dope views, lots of rich people and it was actually clean.
- Segesta, Segesta. Eat your heart out Parthenon!
- The crazy colors of Mt. Etna....an active volcano. Unfortunately, no lava was flowing.
- The Alcantara Gorge. You can't tell from this photo, but it was beautiful. The really good photos were not taken due to my camera being dropped in the Gorge....genius. And we got to wear these really sexy suits. - The beach town, Cefalu
- Cremino – It’s the new rage in Sicily. It’s essentially a sweet whipped cream-like consistency, cold espresso.
- Last highlight in the 'sounds better than it actually tastes camp': ice cream in brioche. Bread and ice cream together seem like a perfect combo, but the bread gets mushy and it tastes a little wrong…
The only two things about the trip that sucked were the 110 degree weather (no exaggeration, it was 92 one night at midnight - try sleeping in THAT in no air conditioning) and the flights to and fro. Due to my application of the “Ben Smith”* method of air travel, I ended up on US Air for the 20+ hour haul to Sicily. Have you flown US Air internationally? Well if you do in the future, you have the following to look forward to: - The space where your legs are supposed to go will actually be filled up by the seat in front of you! Ok, we all know my legs are too long for their own good, but, seriously, I have NEVER been so uncomfortable. - Your television probably won’t work! So I may have been the only sucker on the 10 hour leg from Rome to Philadelphia that had that pleasure, but still… I am really bummed I didn’t get to see ‘17 Again’ starring Zac Ephron. - You will have a kid in row behind you crying for 9 of the 10 hours of your flight. Ok, this was not technically US Air’s fault, but I still blame them. On another note, I no longer want to have kids. - Your bag will arrive 3 days after your flight lands! - This guy will be sitting in the aisle across from you - check out the drool!!!
Overall, a fun trip. In summary, when travelling to Sicily, don’t forget to ‘leave the gun, take the cannoli’. Ciao.
* Ben Smith, a FOMCA for many years, once was rumored to have saved former employer Jamba Juice, $50 on a business flight from San Francisco to Los Angeles by taking a connecting flight through Baghdad, Iraq (pre-war).
Exactly 3 months since my last bloggity blog post. 90 days. 2,160 hours 129,600 minutes. Like eleventy billion seconds or something. Definitely puts me in the running for this year's Laziest Blogger Awards. The really weird thing is that during that timeframe my site got bombarded with traffic - WTF?! Apparently Mr. Google must have dropped by for a visit, because traffic went up like 1000% for about 5 weeks. Or maybe a link made it on to a porn site or something?
Whatever the case, the last 3 months have been a whirlwind. Lots of tom foolery, including a quick trip to LA to see the artist formerly known as Brianna, an awesome performance by the Fleet Foxes a few nights ago and......................there was one more thing that I can't remember.................oh yeah, I went to Japan. More to come on Japan in a separate entry (likely 6 months from now).
I'm currently baking in my apartment on one of those rare nights in San Francisco when you don't have to wear a coat to bed, reflecting on a brilliant weekend. Highlights:
- Hanging with Bradshaw, Sleeps, Special Agent Dial and some smelly hippy in the Mission
- Destroying the Alpine Dam & the Seven Sisters with Nicky on our bikes. Then heading to to a beach party at Stinson with new friends.
- Singing Black Flag's TV Party with a karaoke band, The Amazing Embarrassonics, backing me at Annie's Social Club. Dude, I look so punk!!!! Especially with that book in my hand.
- Basking in the glorious 80 degree weather today - running, riding past the GGB (see below), watching a couple innings of the Giants game (in which Randy Johnson almost pitched a no-hitter). As the honorable O'Shea Jackson once quipped, "I gotta say it was a good day".
And with that, I bid you adieu. But not before giving my 3 (I couldn't come up with 5) favorite movies of 2008, although this exercise seems a little dated now. Not in order: Milk, Forgetting Sarah Marshall, Slumdog Millionaire. Kind of a crap year for movies if you ask me - or maybe I need some suggestions. Tally ho.
You've seen the videos. You KNOW that the WB2B news crew is the BEST news crew in the Bay Area. You KNOW that when I say Bay Area, I refer to the only "Bay Area" that anyone cares about...... the SAN FRANCISCO Bay Area. So, why is it that those jerks at Tampa Bay's Bay News 9 felt the need to have one of the WB2B crew's award winning videos taken off of Youtube?! Last month, we got this note from Youtube:
WOW! Feeling threatened, Bay News 9??????? I mean, sure you've got hot anchorwoman Jen Holloway, but LET'S FACE IT: Al Ruechel is NO Brock Mansion. And Rick Elmhorst isn't half the man that Frank Salazar is..... bb5 fans, it's time that we boycott watching of Bay News 9 - they had absolutely no reason to take down this video (we can't even remember what clip it was). Unfortunately, I think there is only one guy I know that actually reads this blog, but hey, World War II started because of one guy. Bay 9 News is a station full of jerks.
In other news, ALL 55 videos are now posted at http://www.youtube.com/user/wb2b. Also, WB2B got its first subscriber this past week, which must be a mistake or something. Happy watching.
Oh, was 2008 a banner year for the guys that make millions (and college athletes as well). Tons of highlights, lowlights & steroid accusations. The top 10 sure has a lot of crimson and blue in it this year....here we go....
10) Tarah Gieger totally shreddin' the competition in the 2008 XGames Womens' Motocross Riding finals. I mean, dude, it's about time they let the LADIES get on a bike and get some SERIOUS air!!! Wait a minute, WTF?!?!!?!?!?!?
9) Ok, kind of pathetic to throw a personal victory in here...but I had a hard time coming up with 10 events that weren't all KU Basketball related. This year's victory at the 5th Annual Fresno Post-Thanksgiving Turkey Tournament was definitely not as special or miraculous as the 2007 title shared with the Nate Dog Daddy, but sweet due to the hostile environment.
8) Something about the Olympics. Michael Phelps or something. Man, I just don't care about the stupid Olympics. I know I should, but I could care less. BORING.
7) Celtics over the Lakers in the NBA finals, 1985 flashback style. Celtics are back and Paul Pierce has his ring.
5) Nadal/Federer, Wimbledon. That's right, tennis. Ridiculous, rain-delayed marathon match that made you actually care about this sport again. And for once Federer didn't win.
4) Kansas Jayhawks basketball team beats Stephon Curry and the Davidson Wildcats to advance to their first Final Four in 5 years. "Thanks Jason Richards, for missing that 25 footer at the end of the game that would have put me on the hot seat. Instead I just signed a multi-year contract for millions of dollars". Love, Bill Self.
3) KU Jayhawks winning the Orange Bowl and finishing #7 in the final polls. KU Football? KU Football! This meaningless sport came to the forefront in 2007/2008 as the team stepped up and played as huge as our coach. In case, you aren't from Kansas - it is true. Our coach CAN eat your coach.
2) Kansas Jayhawks beats UNC (and old coach Roy Williams) in the Final Four to advance to the National Championship. Up 40-12 in the first half, I was pretty sure that I was not awake and it was all a sick, sick dream. Love you Roy, mean it.
1) Kansas Jayhawks win the National Championship in OT after Mario Chalmers hits a dramatic 3 pointer to keep it alive in regulation. Enough has been written about this already, but 10 months later it still doesn't seem REAL! Screw Obama, I still say Mario for President!
The next year was an instant classic.... wish I had the message that went along with this treasure. 
This one was my personal favorite (I WONDER WHY?!) - see message below. I can't believe how incredible handsome my wife is........
Message
Friends, family, I hope this Christmas card reaches you all safely and soundly. This past year was a great year for the Andrews Family. As many of you know, I was recently promoted at the plant. I am now a Poultry Gender Identification Specialist. The work is challenging, but riveting. Michelle is still working at Wal-Mart part-time and enjoying her activities (knitting, gun club, etc). Michael Jr. started pre-school and is already showing some pretty good basketball skills. In his first game, he had 16 points and 12 rebounds. Not bad for a 4 year old! We were also blessed with the birth of our second child this year, Michaela. She is an absolute treasure. Everyone tells us how much she looks like her father! I hope you have a wonderful holiday season with you and yours. God Bless.
And finally, one more 'unreleased' photo. My creativity was tapped, or so I thought. After finishing it, I decided it wasn't funny enough to release.......
BUT, after a brief hiatus, the Andrews Family Christmas card is BACK in full effect. Enjoy the holidays y'all! Props to one Brianna James Taylor for help with the execution on this one.
Message
Season greetings, family and friends. I thought I'd drop a line to wish you all good tidings. While it has been a challenging year, what with the recession and all, the Andrews family continues to move forward with fortitude.
After years as a blacksmith, I have decided to try my hand at a completely new trade. I opened a buggy repair shop on Walnut and Main. My wife Gertrude tells me that it is a risky proposition seeing as how everyone is shifting to motor cars, but I say horsefeathers! I think we all know these new fangled motor cars are just a fad and will go the way of the................what's that old saying again?*
John Jr. continues his rise in the burgeoning railroad industry. He and his wife Ethel welcomed their 5th son into the world this year, little Pip.
My son Walter got a job at a printing press and married young Mildred, of the McCormick clan. They are quite the handsome couple!
Charlotte is at university studying home economics, and young Elmer continues to deliver ice for ole Mr. Henderson. We are truly blessed with a healthy, happy family.
Enjoy the photo of the Andrews family included herewith, compliments of my friend Sir James Olan Mills. My sincere wishes for a fantastic next decade for you and yours. So long to the nots!
John Michael Andrews
* Actually I just remembered, the saying is go the way of the 'horse and buggy'... horsefeathers.
** For past Andrews Family holiday cards, check out www.bloggityblogblogblogblogblog.blogspot.com
Best Team Costume: Frankenberry and Milk Carton (Franken & 2%)
Most Repeated Costume: Snap, Crackle and Pop (too many to name)
Best “You’re an eeg, you’re a bad eeg” Costume: Eeg (Dina)
Best Rice Krispie Treats Made: Snap (Isabel)
For the record, it IS possible to dress up as a Lucky Charms leprechaun and not scare children.... 
But then something happened....
And things started to get more serious.....
And then the Revolutionary War jokes started flying.....c'mon Lyle, we all know Nerina is still pissed about losing!
The only way to lighten this evening up was to............dance with random girls at the Double D!
Remember ladies, don't forget to have a full stomach before heading to a party with some random Irish guys at 3am.......
- Touring the family plant where they package delicious, smelly anchovies
- The crazy colors of Mt. Etna....an active volcano. Unfortunately, no lava was flowing.
- The Alcantara Gorge. You can't tell from this photo, but it was beautiful. The really good photos were not taken due to my camera being dropped in the Gorge....genius. And we got to wear these really sexy suits.
- Basking in the glorious 80 degree weather today - running, riding past the GGB (see below), watching a couple innings of the Giants game (in which Randy Johnson almost pitched a no-hitter). As the honorable O'Shea Jackson once quipped, "I gotta say it was a good day".
WOW! Feeling threatened, Bay News 9??????? I mean, sure you've got hot anchorwoman Jen Holloway, but LET'S FACE IT: Al Ruechel is NO Brock Mansion. And Rick Elmhorst isn't half the man that Frank Salazar is..... bb5 fans, it's time that we boycott watching of Bay News 9 - they had absolutely no reason to take down this video (we can't even remember what clip it was). Unfortunately, I think there is only one guy I know that actually reads this blog, but hey, World War II started because of one guy. Bay 9 News is a station full of jerks.
